Not feeling like parades this year. Will let the poem posted
on the Statue of Liberty remind us about why this country
was founded.
The New Colossus
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, With conquering limbs astride from land to land; Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame. “Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
A spontaneous phone call from with a close friend or family member is a nice surprise. Depending on who it is, we might chat about upcoming plans, air out concerns (kids, siblings, work, the country), discuss a plant I’m excited about, describe a meal that turned out way better than expected, or grumble about how hard it is to find shoes that fit.
After a good talk, I feel closer to the person and buoyed by our connection. I think the habit developed years ago when I lived 16 hours away from family and friends. Then the calls nourished and re-centered me. They were the logical extension to my in-person conversations—I definitely got the Shriner talk gene.
Recently, a few friends and family members have started asking to schedule a time to talk instead of trying our luck. That surprised me, since I like spontaneity. For some people, it’s a way of saying our conversation is important—let’s make sure we don’t miss each other. For others, it’s about being in different time zones. Fair enough.
But here’s the thing—I’ve also discovered unscheduled phone calls can irritate some people or make them anxious. There are varied reasons for this:
– Some rely on texting for casual chatting. A call signals trouble (Uh oh, what’s the matter?) Yikes! That never occurred to me since I prefer a call to a text.Calling offers nuance. Sarcasm, sympathy, irritation, worry, and amusement are easy to convey in a person’s tone of voice, but with texting, emojis have to do the heavy lifting of communicating emotional content.
– A spontaneous phone call may seem intrusive. Well, it can be. If I’m making dinner, working in the yard, or on a walk with my husband, I might not want to be interrupted. Then I let voicemail signal, “Not now.” If I make an impromptu call, I never assume the recipient has time to chat. I always ask if my call is convenient. If not, no worries! We’ll connect another time.
– Texting to request a call time is now seen as more polite. The recipient will be spared the potential awkwardness or discomfort of saying, “Now isn’t a good time.” It took me a while to wrap my head around that idea, since I’m comfortable telling a caller I can’t talk if I’m in the middle of something. Or I just let the call go to voicemail. Apparently, that reaction isn’t universal.
Scheduled vs. spontaneous phone calls? It seems to be a stylistic difference, maybe even a generational one. I have my preferences, but the goal is to connect, so I want to be sensitive to others’ needs and adjust if it improves our communication.
But if you’re thinking of me, just give me a call! I’ll let you know if I can’t talk.
I’m with you on this one. I’ve always thought the nicest thing about answering machines is knowing that the person I’m calling doesn’t have to answer if it’s not a convenient time. I don’t think that a text is nearly as personal or satisfying as actually hearing someone’s voice!
I appreciate your perspective. I do think some of this is generational—that what to Boomers feels ordinary can feel harder for younger people to deal with. Knowing that, I’m more aware of their sensitivities and try to adjust my habits.
‘Reach out and touch someone’ 😉 … I get both sides, but I like spontaneous calls. And like you, caller ID and voicemail help determine whether I have time to chat or not. My sisters and I have long conversations, often around an hour. We could go on and on, but it is often one of us having to visit the bathroom that ends the call, lol!
My sister is one of the people I can easily talk to for an hour! 😆
Sally Showalter
I have to agree with the rationale on yesterday’s type of phone calls vs. today. I find myself texting to schedule a phone call. I will always prefer a voice. Thank you for your thoughts!
This week climate change, in small letters, has had people’s attention. After days of steadily increasing temperatures, humidity and Canadian wildflower smoke, a storm blew in with rain. Not enough rain to make up for dry conditions, but far better than none. The rain dragged in a weather front that returned days to cool temps. Kids wore light jackets for their spring field and track events or school picnics. Luckily in the Midwest bugs appeared to delay opening shop even though Memorial Day had passed.
Lake Michigan adds unique weather games into the seasonal change. Seventy some degrees near Green Bay’s shoreline and ten degrees cooler on the Lake Michigan side. A wardrobe in your car’s trunk is not a bad idea. Kids are paddling around in Lake Michigan’s bay area waters while parents, bundled in long pants with long sleeve shirts, watch. All water surrounding Door County’s coast need to warm before humans should spend more than minutes with wet feet.
In the Midwest spring turns to summer when bugs challenge enjoyment of outdoor activities. Now small black flies and mosquitos flex their biting powers in the time between real day hours and evening. People wrap bare legs in blankets, slip on long-sleeve tops, bum bug spray from others. Or they retreat to a screen porch or escape indoors. One day bugs were not present, then they fill the air in buzzing fronts of tiny air forces ready to sting humans.
Mid-fifties temperatures along with a stiff breeze changing everything again in morning. Sundresses and flip flops disappear. Jeans, sweatshirts and shoes come back. Once red bumps and itchy lumps come home from an after dinner walk and ant hills cover sidewalk cracks, spring is over, and summer’s dominance has begun. Try not to begrudge days slathered with sunscreen and topped with bug spray. It’s what we accept for not grabbing something warm to wear every time stepping outside a home or car.
Six of us sitting around a table in a nice restaurant. Maybe as much as twenty years difference between the youngest and oldest. We don’t ask about age. Fish tacos, salads, a burger ordered. A few look tired, most are having a good day. One open chair because someone had to work. Serious personal challenges…
Buzzing cicadas signal summer’s last gasp. Cooler days and school are ahead and soon summer will officially be over. The sun is still warm but a hint of melancholy drifts in with fall’s cool breezes. Yet another summer is gone and I haven’t done everything I meant to do. But the exuberant excess of the Minnesota State Fair next…
6 responses to “Scheduled vs. Spontaneous Phone Calls”
I’m with you on this one. I’ve always thought the nicest thing about answering machines is knowing that the person I’m calling doesn’t have to answer if it’s not a convenient time. I don’t think that a text is nearly as personal or satisfying as actually hearing someone’s voice!
I appreciate your perspective. I do think some of this is generational—that what to Boomers feels ordinary can feel harder for younger people to deal with. Knowing that, I’m more aware of their sensitivities and try to adjust my habits.
‘Reach out and touch someone’ 😉 … I get both sides, but I like spontaneous calls. And like you, caller ID and voicemail help determine whether I have time to chat or not. My sisters and I have long conversations, often around an hour. We could go on and on, but it is often one of us having to visit the bathroom that ends the call, lol!
My sister is one of the people I can easily talk to for an hour! 😆
I have to agree with the rationale on yesterday’s type of phone calls vs. today. I find myself texting to schedule a phone call. I will always prefer a voice. Thank you for your thoughts!
Your approach sounds like a good compromise. Thanks for sharing your POV!