• Thoughts on the Urge to Purge

    Loads of articles encourage retirees to declutter our possessions and purge decades of accumulation. My generation is repeatedly reminded our kids won’t want our stuff. True. They’ll want it after we’ve given it away. Or never. 

    Purging sounds so virtuous.

    The philosophy of decluttering or purging goes like this—discard what you don’t need. Pare down your belonging to the essentials. Ideally, give your stuff to someone who can use it. The process is also supposed to offer emotional benefits:

    • Get rid of what weighs you down—the boxes full of old files, the clothes that don’t fit, the shopping mistakes. Let go of the emotional weight of caring for all these things. The sense of responsibility and guilt are bad for you. 
    • Think how light and refreshed you’ll feel when you have less stuff. Less to take care of. A clean slate. (Who the heck even knows what a slate is? Well OK, I do. It’s a personal chalkboard students did schoolwork on. I have one in my office closet that belonged to my grandfather. I’m not even that attached to it. Would a history museum want this artifact? Probably not, since my brother crayoned on it.)

    The decisions and matchmaking are what short circuit the urge to purge. 

    Neighborhood Buy Nothing groups make it easier. You feel good about the matchmaking. The groups are well suited to offloading housewares and furnishings you no longer use. When we got a king bed, someone wanted our queen size mattress and bed frame. All I had to do was snap a photo and post the items. The neighbor who wants your stuff picks it up. No more loading up the car for a trip to Goodwill and driving bags and boxes around for weeks until you do the drop-off. No more staging a tedious garage sale only to find you still have to dispose of what didn’t sell.

    Local Buy Nothing groups do a brisk trade in kids’ clothing, toys and equipment. I recently acquired a second booster seat for family dinners and I often scan posts for age-appropriate toys. My granddaughters’ wardrobes are supplemented with barely-worn-before-they’re-outgrown clothes and shoes from active Buy Nothing groups. The amount and quality of free stuff is astonishing. 

    People of my generation used to take things to Goodwill or similar charitable organizations. Sometimes I still do—mostly clothes. Recently, an energetic friend’s clean sweep inspired me to pack up a load of clothes and old purses I don’t use. Won’t use. I do feel a bit virtuous. 

    But right now, I’d like to purge any additional demands to declutter. Unload all those reminders and the associated guilt. It’s yet another thing that would be good for me . . . that I don’t feel like doing. Besides, the slate doesn’t take up much room in my closet.

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    9 responses to “Thoughts on the Urge to Purge”

    1. Bev Bachel Avatar
      Bev Bachel

      Loved your take. I offloaded a box of jigsaw puzzles and misc housewares this morning and have already filled another box this afternoon. This one with art and office supplies. Feels good … but neverending.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        I’ve got yet another pile to give away . . . maybe it will actually leave the house next week . . . 😆

    2. Eliza Waters Avatar

      You expressed the feeling well…. pressure to purge, emotions connected with it, and some virtuosity for accomplishing goals. It takes a lot of energy!

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Thanks! It absolutely happens in widely spaced spurts around here. 😉

    3. Sally Showalter Avatar
      Sally Showalter

      I found it can be liberating. Thank you.

    4. Carole Duff Avatar

      Buy Nothing – now there’s a good idea! Give a penny, take a penny.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        It feel good to give to someone who wants your stuff 😁

    5. Sally Showalter Avatar
      Sally Showalter

      I am full on with declutter and I do it over and over, only to keep the things I love and use. Otherwise……………………but, I didn’t learn this until my late 50’s, and it still works. Thanks for your good thoughts on the subject.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Thanks for reading and sharing your perspective. I think if I’d established a habit like you have, it would be easier.

  • To Louis and Octavia

    An enthusiastic three-year-old ran craft materials to the kitchen table. She had a project in mind, a puzzle to build out of tongue depressors. 

    I was not enthusiastic about the project which, as many projects, would lead to painting which might lead to painting herself. In fact, I was tired and working hard to be gentle as she taped sticks together. When a washcloth became necessary, I got it damp at the sink, looking at her head bent over a row of painted wooden sticks. 

    The oak table where she worked on a protected area was made in 1902 when Louis Cravillion married Octavia Orde, my paternal great grandparents. How I miss my Grandma Tavy. My grandmother died following childbirth, so Octavia cared for her grandson. As a woman of the age, I am now, she cared for me. I sat on one of these chairs while she braided my hair, ate meals she cooked, or colored. My mother worked in town.

    After my great-grandfather died, we had moved in with her. My parents remodeled the kitchen and dining area storing this oak table for a new Formica and metal model. Eventually an apartment was finished upstairs so she would have her own place. The table returned. Eating breakfast in my designated chair, it was possible to watch everyone come to the new post office across Main Street. Patterns were cut to make clothes, cookie dough rolled out, homework completed.

    After her death, the table was refinished and set up as my parent’s game table. As they downsized, it came to be mine. Our children ate and did homework and projects on a glass surface that protected the oak. Today’s artist is one of their children. 

    Stories of six generations of my family have been exchanged here. Men have returned from wars to a first home meal, baptisms and weddings celebrated, hard decisions made, children loved. Great grandma’s quiet and calm presence participated in half of its history. I see her hands now show in mine; her brown eyes look back from our mirrors. I can only hope I carry some of her wisdom to those who sit at this table, her blood mixed in their veins. I am not so tired.

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    2 responses to “To Louis and Octavia”

    1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

      A lovely legacy!

    2. Eliza Waters Avatar

      Impressive history surrounds that table, and it looks well cared for.

  • Mom’s Afghan

    Mom had a soft ivory afghan her cousin Kathleen, my godmother, crocheted. When they were younger, Mom and Kathleen were close. They didn’t see each other as often when they got older, but that connection remained. The afghan is made of intricate lacy stitches and generously sized so your feet and shoulder and hip will still be covered if you turn over. It’s a work of art and a gift of love.

    But Mom rarely used it. She cherished Kathleen’s beautiful handiwork and wanted to preserve it. It was too good for every day. Instead, when she napped on the sofa—I’m just going to close my eyes for 20 minutes—she used the one Aunt Bertie crocheted, which was skimpier and had scratchy yarn. 

    When did Mom start taking naps? In her 60s? 70s? My age? 

    Now I assume she napped when didn’t she sleep well at night. But my younger self just took Mom’s naps for granted. I never asked or even wondered what kept her from sleep.  

    After Mom died, her afghan from Kathleen came to me.

    This morning I woke up predawn. Hot. Restless. My brain whirring with stray busy thoughts. I moved downstairs to the sofa and pulled the afghan from Kathleen over me in hopes I’d be lulled to sleep. I wasn’t. But on the day after Mother’s Day, the memory of Mom and my godmother covered me like a blessing.

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    13 responses to “Mom’s Afghan”

    1. cynthiakraack Avatar
      cynthiakraack

      Beautiful. C. Kraack

    2. Eliza Waters Avatar

      It’s lovely work, and all the more precious because of the story behind it. 💕

    3. Karen Seashore Avatar

      Lovely. As an avid yarny, it is a beautiful testimony to the way in which we include love and comfort in every piece– yours in a very, very old pattern, a variation (there are many) of Feather and Fan/Old Shale, but it is knitted, not crocheted! 🙂

      Karen Seashore she/her/hers 612 385 4947 (cell) //karenlouis.academia.edu http://www.cehd.umn.edu/olpd/people/klouis/ @karenseashore https://karensdescant.com

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Thank you! I didn’t realize it was knitted— thanks for the info about the pattern.

    4. Jan Wenker Avatar
      Jan Wenker

      Love your Afghan story❤️JanSent from my iPad

    5. Carole Duff Avatar

      Lovely, Ellen!


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