In January, a time before the corona virus, I sat with three friends from my writing group. Our other group member was up front, a part of the funeral party. Her mother had passed away.
We had done this before, sat together for a funeral. Then it was one of our own group members who had passed on. This time, it wasn’t a sense of déjà vu as much as it was a strong sense of community, of being with your tribe, your writing family. These people who read and commented on your stories, knew your family and your journey through life. We’ve been together for over fifteen years.
I had Kleenex scrunched up in my palm. Tears would come from who knows where, but they would come.
It touched me that we were supporting our friend and supporting each other. Several of us had taken the day off from work. Being present for one another was important. Sacred circles show up for each other.
The church was full of people of all ages and races to honor this woman of 89 who had passed away. A testament to her and the family she raised.
My shoulder brushed my writing friend sitting next to me. I dabbed at the corner of my eye. Being at funerals often connects me to other griefs and in that moment, I keenly felt my estrangement from my siblings. My bond to my sacred circle of writing friends made me feel the distance from my siblings even more. My Kleenex became soggier. I pushed my glasses up.
How Great Thou Art, chorused through the congregation. I imagined my feet reaching to the earth’s center.
While in prayer, I let myself grieve the alienation from my siblings. I was doing what I believed. I was honoring myself, my partner, my children and my beliefs. I was honoring the essence of who I am. I stayed in this revered place with the universe. Wrapped myself in love. Cloaked myself in love. I was in a blessed place in this church, in this pew, and with these people. I felt love all around me.
While in communion with the Universe, I added a prayer, Universe, please help me find my memory stick. I had been putting blog posts on the stick and had yet to back it up. I knew that I should. Every writer knows that. The memory stick had blog posts on that I might publish after more revision. I’ve learned that the best time to write a blog post is when I have the greatest feeling. The memory stick was holding a lot of me. I had been looking for the stick for days.
In The Garden filled the place of worship. When I raised my eyes I could see clearly. I felt liberated. The veil of sadness had lifted.
At the podium, our writer friend was reading a story that she had written about her mother. A story that was familiar to the sacred circle. She was full of light and joy. Her gift bringing forth laughter.
Following the recessional, we said goodbye to our friend and decided the rest of us would gather for lunch. We needed to be together a little longer before we re-entered our daily lives.
Opening my car door, I moved pieces in the basket in the back seat that held loose items in the car. There was my memory stick. Thank you, Universe, I breathed. I am loved.
5 responses to “Time Suspended”
Gives me a new perspective. Time is truly suspended and I can’t solve it by “being busy,” rather surrendering makes so much more sense. Thanks!
That’s a very good way to look at it, Ellen! I do the same thing when I fly…just go on “autopilot” because I have no control over anything. Sometimes I enjoy it, too, for the exact reasons you stated. I’m trying to have that mindset for this situation as well, but sometimes it feels like one of those time when I’m at the airport, trying to fly somewhere for a short and much-anticipated vacation, and the flight just keeps getting delayed and delayed and delayed. You know what I mean, I’m sure!
Unfortunately, I do know what you mean—the delay, delay, delay part of the metaphor works too. Take care!
Great analogy, Ellen. It is a waiting game for sure.
Thanks! I hope you and your family are doing OK.