• Changing Thanksgiving Traditions

    When I was a girl, Thanksgiving dinner might occur on Thanksgiving itself or the day after—whichever day my father had off from the fire department.

    The table was set for eight with an ironed tablecloth, Mom’s sterling silverware, and her good ivory china bordered with a band of light blue and a thinner band of gold. My father presided at one end of the table and my mother faced him at the opposite end in the chair closest to the kitchen—in case she needed to hop up to get something. My two grandmothers, my two older brothers, my younger sister, and I filled out the sides.

    Mom masterminded the meal—getting up early to put the turkey in the oven, making the stuffing, the green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, gravy, and pie. One of my grandmas brought cranberries and the other brought rolls. My sister and I chopped onions and celery for the stuffing, stirred gravy, and set the table. We also helped clean up. But Mom bore the weight of making this holiday a success. Now that I’ve helped prepare many family holiday meals, I understand and appreciate how much work and pressure this labor of love can be. That we shifted days barely registered with me then. What I recall were the smiling faces and good food.

    As is the way of things, our family grew and we expanded the Thanksgiving table.First came my brother’s wife and their kids. Later, my great aunt and my mother’s sister, both widowed and childless, joined us. When my sister and I married and had kids, we enlarged the table again.

    At that point, there were too many of us for my parent’s small dining room. A dinner for 20-22 was getting to be too much for Mom, who was now in her mid-70’s. Thanksgiving dinner moved to my sister’s bigger house. My parents contributed pre-roasted turkeys from the deli, and Mom brought several pies. My siblings and I prepared the rest of the food. My sister set two adjoining tables with her sterling silverware, ivory china rimmed in gold, crystal goblets, and a flowery centerpiece. Wine flowed freely and we were a festive and rowdy bunch.

    In the last several years, the family circled around the Thanksgiving table has grown smaller. My parents and two aunts are gone now. Our small family of four doesn’t always travel to Ohio for the holiday. Sometimes my sons’ girlfriends join us at our smaller table, but now my sons each need to be a part of their girlfriend’s family gatherings, too. That’s as it should be. Holiday traditions are supposed to flex with a family’s changing circumstances.

    This year, the day of our Thanksgiving celebration shifted once again, because that’s what works best for our sons. Several days ago, I set out my good white china and sterling silverware, arranged flowers, cooked and baked, and gave thanks for the smiling faces at my table.

     

                    We at the WordSisters wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and hope there are plenty of smiling faces at your table.

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    9 responses to “Changing Thanksgiving Traditions”

    1. bbachel Avatar

      Your post reminded me of how big our holiday meals used to be and made me feel extremely grateful for all those who still gather even if a whole lot less formally than in the past. Grateful for your friendship–and your posts, which are a day brightener for me all year long.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        I know what you mean about the meals being less formal–ours too, but the gatherings matter. I so appreciate your comments!

    2. Eliza Waters Avatar

      I miss the large gatherings of our childhood, but with today’s smaller and widespread families, we must be grateful for what gifts are available in the here and now. There is much to be grateful for! Blessings to you today, Ellen, and in the Season of Light ahead.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        I agree—we have much to be grateful for. Today and in the weeks ahead, I’m regularly reminded of that! All the best to you and your family.

        1. Eliza Waters Avatar

          Thank you, Ellen.

    3. Ann Coleman Avatar

      Happy Thanksgiving!

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Hope you’re having a nice Thanksgiving too!

    4. Susanne Avatar

      I was thinking something similar about Christmas – how we have grown and shrunk over the years, the chefs changed and the locations, too. Happy Thanksgiving to you and all who will spend it with you this year.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar
  • A Home for the Marys?

    The sound of breaking glass might have been heard beyond our garage walls. An hour of cleaning had yielded a large bag of stuff for Goodwill and a number of items that had no second use. The noise was the crash of an engraved mixed drink carafe with a matching stirring stick and two small engraved glasses. These were wedding presents that were very personalized and never used. The thought that there might be bad jokes in a stranger’s home because our name lends itself to humorous pronunciations didn’t feel okay.

    Like many Boomers, our cabinets are crowded with generations of glassware, quilts, boxes of photos and family Bibles. As our parents passed, their treasures became ours to maintain.  Anyone want a few sets of 50thanniversary champagne glasses with my parents’ names? Again, their last name has a few quirky pronunciations that are better kept out of strangers’ parties.

    A crystal statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary we received one Christmas has a sister that my mother owned. They both stand, hands folded, behind wine bottles on a top shelf in the pantry. Taking more shelf space was a beautiful glass Christmas ornament on its own pedestal that was once the most valuable useless item we owned. Add two clear glass platters decorated with horses and sleds to carry dozens of holiday cookies. Plus one that has a lobster engraving, a total mystery. And the green platter with Thanksgiving in a lovely scroll that I never saw used at my parents but came to rest in my home.

    That ornament will hang on our tree this year and later fend for itself in a box of its peers. The pedestal is gone. Someone will be thrilled with the glass platters. Maybe even use the Thanksgiving one. Three orphan wine glasses wait to be used on Thanksgiving before starting the next purge. They are lovely, but we already have dozens of lovely glasses. Let a bride-to-be furnish her wedding table with these things instead of throw away items and benefit Goodwill in the process.

    But those statues are another story like a box of rosaries upstairs. Is there a Goodwill equivalent for Catholic stuff? The Marys don’t really deserve to be mistreated or become white elephant gifts.IMG_5858

     

     

     

     

     

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    One response to “A Home for the Marys?”

    1. Eliza Waters Avatar

      So familiar, the Boomer purge of things never or seldom used, and the many cast-offs from previous generations. My spouse calls them ‘holy relics’ because they once belonged to someone we loved and find it sacreligious to get rid of them. We are trying to thin the ranks, getting rid of what we can, but our kids will end up dealing with a lot of it. Hardest for me are the boxes of three generation’s photos, now all passed. My sons ancestors, but will they care? Time will tell.

  • Kids and Keyboards–A Dilemma

    I recently read that Silicon Valley parents are concerned about how using cell phones, tablets, and computers in the classroom affects children’s development. Wait, what?!? The creators of the screens and software don’t want their children using them? The  New York Times article described how families across the country are reconsidering the role of technology in the classroom.

    Whoa. I recall fundraising with the PTO so students at my sons’ school would have computers in the classroom. We wanted our kids to be ready for the world they’d be joining. When my nieces attended a Catholic high school in Ohio, they were given laptops to use with their school work.

    Truth be told, even then I had misgivings about the amount of screen time my kids had. A recent conversation with neighbors, whose children grew up with mine, confirmed that I wasn’t alone. The other mothers—an artist, a human resources manager, and a psychologist—have all seen the downsides of too much screen time.

    The artist was the first to mention the impact on creativity, but all of us  expressed similar concern. When consumed by screen use, children don’t have the opportunity to daydream aimlessly or use their imagination to invent games. The other mothers and I remembered that as kids, we made up goofy games that required imagination but little equipment—building a fort out of sofa cushions or raking leaves into piles that framed “rooms” in the yard.

    Another effect we’ve all seen is underdeveloped social skills. While plenty of young adults are socially adept, some of the young adults we know are awkward in face-to-face conversations. They struggle when talking with people—in job interviews and when dealing with older coworkers. For some, in-person discussions are mistaken for disagreement and conflict, instead of the normal give and take of conversation. Texting and IM’ing are more comfortable. It’s easier for them to express their opinions with the distancing filter of a screen.

    None of us were suggesting that children shouldn’t use computers or cell phones. Personally, I love my phone, tablet, and laptop and recognize that using technology is a vital part of modern life. However, being selective about when, where, and how much children use technology is important. Although our kids hated it, the other mothers and I limited the amount of time our kids spent using screens.

    Limiting screens is an even greater challenge for today’s parents and teachers. Teachers struggle with the disruption of cell phones in the classroom. Parents now have to contend with the potential dangers of social media and the content of their children’s Internet searches. I feel fortunate my kids were older by the time social media was widespread. That was one problem I didn’t have to face.

    A younger mother I know locks up her teenagers’ phones and computers at bedtime so they aren’t online or texting into the wee hours—they need their sleep, and she needs some peace of mind. If her kids’ grades slip, they lose phone privileges.

    It’s disconcerting to realize that the very screens that we sought for our kids years ago could both expand their horizons and limit their potential. But just as we did, I am confident today’s parents will figure out a way to handle the challenges of technology.

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    6 responses to “Kids and Keyboards–A Dilemma”

    1. Theresa Avatar
      Theresa

      Funny,,,when I saw “keyboards” in the title, I thought you meant the musical kind. People are not on the phone (or anything else) much when playing instruments. 🙂 Children model adult behaviors. Technology is an issue from many angles. The danger ratchets up even higher when people of any age use devices while driving. Is there an app for common sense? Thanks for the thought-provoking words, Ellen, and allowing me a one-minute rant. I’ve seen too many near misses. We all need to be proactive.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Thanks for reading and commenting.

    2. Eliza Waters Avatar

      Too much screen time is definitely a concern. Even my physician wondered out loud what it is doing to our brains, and kids are particularly vulnerable. It upsets me to see families in restaurants all on phones, not communicating like you’d expect to see. I’ve noticed how many young people seem uncomfortable talking face-to-face and have trouble making eye contact. I worry this could have socially dangerous, irrevocable consequences down the road.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        The recent interest in limiting screens was new to me, but when I did a bit more digging I discovered that the issues concerning screens have been getting a lot of attention in the last few years, and that makes me hopeful.

    3. Claudette Avatar

      Ack. I saw the article too and it’s ongoing, this strughle…my kids are tween and teen and we have limits and restrictions but it’s still challenging. Sigh.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Nothing about this issue is simple—that’s what makes it so hard. Good luck to you and your family!


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