• Kids and Keyboards–A Dilemma

    I recently read that Silicon Valley parents are concerned about how using cell phones, tablets, and computers in the classroom affects children’s development. Wait, what?!? The creators of the screens and software don’t want their children using them? The  New York Times article described how families across the country are reconsidering the role of technology in the classroom.

    Whoa. I recall fundraising with the PTO so students at my sons’ school would have computers in the classroom. We wanted our kids to be ready for the world they’d be joining. When my nieces attended a Catholic high school in Ohio, they were given laptops to use with their school work.

    Truth be told, even then I had misgivings about the amount of screen time my kids had. A recent conversation with neighbors, whose children grew up with mine, confirmed that I wasn’t alone. The other mothers—an artist, a human resources manager, and a psychologist—have all seen the downsides of too much screen time.

    The artist was the first to mention the impact on creativity, but all of us  expressed similar concern. When consumed by screen use, children don’t have the opportunity to daydream aimlessly or use their imagination to invent games. The other mothers and I remembered that as kids, we made up goofy games that required imagination but little equipment—building a fort out of sofa cushions or raking leaves into piles that framed “rooms” in the yard.

    Another effect we’ve all seen is underdeveloped social skills. While plenty of young adults are socially adept, some of the young adults we know are awkward in face-to-face conversations. They struggle when talking with people—in job interviews and when dealing with older coworkers. For some, in-person discussions are mistaken for disagreement and conflict, instead of the normal give and take of conversation. Texting and IM’ing are more comfortable. It’s easier for them to express their opinions with the distancing filter of a screen.

    None of us were suggesting that children shouldn’t use computers or cell phones. Personally, I love my phone, tablet, and laptop and recognize that using technology is a vital part of modern life. However, being selective about when, where, and how much children use technology is important. Although our kids hated it, the other mothers and I limited the amount of time our kids spent using screens.

    Limiting screens is an even greater challenge for today’s parents and teachers. Teachers struggle with the disruption of cell phones in the classroom. Parents now have to contend with the potential dangers of social media and the content of their children’s Internet searches. I feel fortunate my kids were older by the time social media was widespread. That was one problem I didn’t have to face.

    A younger mother I know locks up her teenagers’ phones and computers at bedtime so they aren’t online or texting into the wee hours—they need their sleep, and she needs some peace of mind. If her kids’ grades slip, they lose phone privileges.

    It’s disconcerting to realize that the very screens that we sought for our kids years ago could both expand their horizons and limit their potential. But just as we did, I am confident today’s parents will figure out a way to handle the challenges of technology.

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    6 responses to “Kids and Keyboards–A Dilemma”

    1. Theresa Avatar
      Theresa

      Funny,,,when I saw “keyboards” in the title, I thought you meant the musical kind. People are not on the phone (or anything else) much when playing instruments. 🙂 Children model adult behaviors. Technology is an issue from many angles. The danger ratchets up even higher when people of any age use devices while driving. Is there an app for common sense? Thanks for the thought-provoking words, Ellen, and allowing me a one-minute rant. I’ve seen too many near misses. We all need to be proactive.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Thanks for reading and commenting.

    2. Eliza Waters Avatar

      Too much screen time is definitely a concern. Even my physician wondered out loud what it is doing to our brains, and kids are particularly vulnerable. It upsets me to see families in restaurants all on phones, not communicating like you’d expect to see. I’ve noticed how many young people seem uncomfortable talking face-to-face and have trouble making eye contact. I worry this could have socially dangerous, irrevocable consequences down the road.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        The recent interest in limiting screens was new to me, but when I did a bit more digging I discovered that the issues concerning screens have been getting a lot of attention in the last few years, and that makes me hopeful.

    3. Claudette Avatar

      Ack. I saw the article too and it’s ongoing, this strughle…my kids are tween and teen and we have limits and restrictions but it’s still challenging. Sigh.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Nothing about this issue is simple—that’s what makes it so hard. Good luck to you and your family!

  • Self-Destruction: Food?

    Diabetes and heart disease roll through my family history. A past generation stopped farming, but kept eating three squares plus in-between all with a strong coffee. They dropped eating pie at ten and two, but substituted snack foods. Then there were the midnight suppers on card club nights. Three bowls stood on the table in our family room: nuts, pretzels, and chocolate kisses. Somehow I was a skinny kid and stayed that way into my mid-twenties.

    One grandfather was tall and thin, one short and wiry. They ate substantial food and drank a fair amount of alcohol. Then there is the picture of my mother’s mother with two of her sisters. They were all in their late forties and belts in the middle of their dark dresses suggested they once had had waists.

    Pregnancy brought gestational diabetes my way. For seven months I managed my nutrition with extreme care. The rewards were simple: a healthy baby and no need for insulin. The years since have not been worth noting. I stay physically active. I stay away from excessive eating, alcohol, and eat a relatively balanced diet. But I eat too much, have just recently scaled back carbohydrates and sodium and given up French fries. My doctor wouldn’t call me stout, but said I had muscle structure that meant I’d never be thin again.

    Having lost sixty pounds in his forties, my father watched everything he ate to manage diabetes and congestive heart failure. If the scale was up two pounds he reviewed the prior day and made adjustments. That was his daily discipline for decades.

    I watched his diligence with admiration and an increasing sense of doom. But I have to admit that as he began hospice and food restrictions were lifted the message was odd: Now that you’re too frail to make it to the dining room, too tired to sit with your family or friends, too confused to enjoy an old favorite meal, eat whatever you want. All those gooey caramel rolls, omelettes, steaks, grapefruits, glasses of orange juice he had given up over the years; all the notebooks he filled with blood sugar levels, calorie counts and sodium amounts; helped prolong his life. Food could have killed him.

    The only living member of my birth family, I wish the lessons learned as my brother and parents passed were enough. On a daily basis, treat food as fuel, don’t confuse eating with comfort. Now. It’s a statement about self-worth and the larger hunger for more good years.

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    2 responses to “Self-Destruction: Food?”

    1. Jan Wenker Avatar
      Jan Wenker

      As an emotional eater I know what you mean…..comfort food!

    2. Claudette Avatar

      Well said. 😊

  • On Becoming Easygoing

    The Secret to Aging Well? Contentment. That recent New York Times article caught my eye, because clearly I’m aging and with luck, I’ll continue to age for another 30 years or so. My body and mind are likely to take hits along the way, so how can I age gracefully? What magic needs to take place in my mind so I’ll be accepting of inevitable changes, tolerant and easygoing when confronted with irritating people and situations, and content with the many good things in my life, if not joyful?

    Hmmm. This might be harder than it sounds . . . . Ever since I was a girl, I’ve had a writer’s sensibility—noticing sensory details along with the quirks and nuance of how people behave. I’ve mentally recorded and searched for the words to describe all of what I see and experience.

    For a writer, the capacity for analysis and the ability to think critically are assets. For example, I wrote the previous sentence five times before I found the right words, and I enjoyed that analytical process. I also analyzed the NYT’s author’s choice of “contentment” and concluded that “acceptance” and “being easygoing” would be more accurate word choices for the outlook he is recommending. But who asked me?!?

    Because writing has been both my work and my passion for decades, I’ve honed my ability to see, remember, analyze, and define. Yet now the habit of noticing and articulating everything appears to be at cross purposes with the habits of being tolerant and accepting. Implied in my wish to become more patient and forbearing is the expectation that I’ll quit noticing stuff and letting it bother me.

    The habits of a lifetime are hard to change. I will probably remain particular about writing. But I’ve already cultivated the power to notice without judging in some of the other areas of my life. For example, one of my friends always apologizes for her messy house. I can see that it is, but I don’t care. Mine’s messy too.

    Another friend wears the same three shirts over and over, but I accept that although she has the money, she doesn’t care about clothes. And I definitely sympathize with her dislike of shopping.

    Many of my friends and family are passionate about sports, while I remain lukewarm. No doubt the sports lovers are equally baffled by my passion for reading and gardening. They must wonder how I can get so excited about Barbara Kingsolver’s newest novel or why anybody cares at all about plants with variegated leaves!

    Variegated
    Variegated coleus

    Perhaps the answer to my dilemma is to refocus my observational powers on seeing the good in life and finding the words for that. That sounds positive and cheerful, which is how I want to be. Maybe with practice I can flex those muscles and strengthen my capacity to be easygoing and accepting.

    I figure I’m still young. I’ve still got a few years to get that right!

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    2 responses to “On Becoming Easygoing”

    1. Pam Gemin Avatar
      Pam Gemin

      I used to think that contentment was attainable in a series of moves away from the turmoil of the present. “Things will be fine as soon as I get a new car.” Or move into a new place, get the right job, find the right partner, etcetera. But those were only temporary fixes, and discontent has always resurfaced. Maybe it’s staying discontent that drives some of us.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        I thought it was interesting how the comments about the NYT article about contentment ran. The comments seemed to reflect several different mindsets. Some saw contentment as complacency, so discontent was a driver, a way to keep striving, achieving, and enjoying. Others saw contentment as acceptance and advised that letting go and and accepting Buddha’s or Jesus’s teaching as the way to go. I’m more in the first camp than the second. I’m always tinkering with aspects of my life, trying to adjust or improve how I spend my time, how I react to events etc. But as for being easygoing, which is what I think the NYT author was really talking about, I’ve got a long way to go! The blog is about my aspirations 😉 Thanks again for pointing out the article to me–lots of food for thought!


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