In May, I stopped wearing my KN95 mask. The last time I’d worn masks in earnest was in April at the airport, in museums, and on public transportation in Amsterdam. I was definitely a minority, but I didn’t mind. My goal was to avoid COVID while we vacationed in Europe. For three years I wore or carried a mask with me. Now discontinuing masks feels odd. COVID was a harsh teacher and the early days of the pandemic are still vivid.
Like everyone else, I’d heard healthcare and other frontline workers didn’t have enough PPE. Even cloth masks would help. The whole mask-making enterprise felt ludicrous and desperate. I struggled to understand: the government had no coherent plan for a pandemic? We were on our own for protection? The world seemed out of control. Anything could happen.
A Facebook friend, who’s a physician and quilter, posted a mask pattern and later I found another design online. I had lots of quilt fabric remnants and was willing to sew masks if it would help.
When Abbott Northwestern Hospital put out a call for homemade masks, I sewed floral fabrics women might like and abstract patterns men wouldn’t mind. I flannel-lined a few for softness before I realized they would be hot.
On a dark wintery day, the streets and hospital parking lot were eerie and empty when I delivered the masks. I texted the contact and rolled down the passenger window as instructed. A hospital employee took the bagful and thanked me profusely.
My sister (a respiratory therapist in a respiratory pandemic) asked for some. My homemade masks were a talisman that made her feel loved. At first, she wore a cloth mask over her one and only N95. She was expected to store the N95 in a brown paper bag so she could re-use it. Later she gave the extra cloth masks to her Ohio hospital’s Housekeeping staff, who didn’t have any protection.
I sent some to my son and future daughter-in-law, a medical resident who treated COVID patients in a Bay area ICU. She had an N95, but she could wear cloth masks away from work.
My sister suggested I give some to younger relatives who worked at a psychiatric hospital in Illinois. Although the local hospital and my sister had appreciated the homemade masks, I felt self-conscious about sending them. I worried the masks would be cringeworthy (Crazy Aunt Ellen made us these useless masks and she expects us to wear them?) but my relatives were gracious—they understood the sentiment.
Masking began with a jolt of fear, but unmasking happened gradually. I’d grown accustomed to eating out. My interactions in stores, clinics, and the pottery studio were even more distanced. The CDC’s decision to call off the emergency didn’t really figure into my thoughts. I’d concluded my risk was manageable although COVID is still out there. One day I’ll get it, but I probably won’t be seriously ill and die. Long COVID concerns me, but three years after the pandemic began, that fear no longer haunts my days.
A KN95 mask is in my purse, but I think I’ll be OK without it.
13 responses to “Unmasking”
Love this meditation on masks. Those early days when the call went out for homemade masks made us feel as like in the days when women knitted socks for the soldiers, I think. My best friend made tons of them. We all have one or more from her.
I found that my masks came in handy during this year’s allergy season. I have to be outside for several hours on most days (walking shelter dogs) and the mask did a great job of protecting me from pollen.
We received homemade masks from friends and also at our church gym. They helped us get thru that period before vaccines were available.
I recall we did outdoor Zumba with our homemade masks off but wore them b4 and after each session. So appreciated as we got out with friends.
I appreciate hearing your experience. I’m glad you had donated masks. Your outdoor Zumba reminds me of the many outdoor activities we did even when the weather wasn’t great.
In crowds, I still mask. And interestingly, on a recent trip to NYC during that smoky siege, they were suggesting masking and many people complied. Asians have been wearing them for years to reduce contamination, which makes sense to me. I don’t mind wearing one if I feel there is a need.
Agreed! Now I consider the situation. We had terrible air quality last week and I gave serious thought to masking for that.
They say N95s work for particulates which are pretty serious lung irritants.
Thanks. I may have to take up masking again if I want to walk, garden, etc. We have got to stop wrecking our planet.
I couldn’t agree more. 🙁
People evolve too. Or various dimensions come to the fore and other parts recede. COVID has changed all of us!
Appreciate your post. Up until just a few weeks ago, I pretty much wore a mask no matter where I went. But I realized just the other day that I no longer feel the need, in large part because I’m still not venturing out all that often. Instead, remain turned inward. I miss the outgoing me I used to be, but trust (hope?) she will return before long.
I agree with all your sentiments. Recently I slowed down on wearing masks in stores, or certain public places although I always have one on my person. If standing in a line at the grocery store, or anywhere with several other people, I pull the mask out and put it on. It is a freedom, but sadly it is not. Thank you.
Now the decision to mask/unmask puts all the responsibility on the individual to assess risk. Thanks for reading!