This time of year, I recall standing in Herberger’s, a store that no longer exists, searching the clothes racks for something that would delight Mom. If I were on a roll, I’d buy several outfits and relieve my sister and one of my brothers of their anxious search (my other brother usually had his own plan). Not that Mom was so hard to delight, but more that we were striving so hard to convey a love that was too big to be contained by a gift.
My system was to try on the clothes in my size (several sizes larger than what Mom wore.) We had the same build, and if the clothes fit me, I’d buy them in her size and mail them (life before Amazon was a reflex). If they didn’t suit her, she could return them to Elder Beerman, the Ohio branch of Herberger’s.
I was curiously detached about the possibility of the clothes being returned. I’d tried my best and I knew that even if my gift didn’t work out, Mom saw the effort and recognized the love. She’d done the same anxious ritual for her mother and mother-in-law for years, too.
Mom has been gone nearly five years, a fact I still can hardly believe sometimes. When my sons ask me what gift I’d like, I often have no suggestions (none of us thinks purchasing clothes is realistic!) I suggest outings and time spent together, and that suits us. The real gift is that they care enough to ask, that they want to show their love.
Message received.
Comments
4 responses to “The Nature of Mother’s Day Gifts”
I agree, it’s the effort that counts, not the actual gift. And what we really want from our children is their time.
How lovely that your kids make the effort. I feel fortunate if I get a phone call. Since they grew up without grandparents, I guess they never saw me doing anything for the day. When they were young, my spouse would buy a hanging plant and that always made me happy. Can’t complain!
I much prefer experiences to a thing. All these special days are so fraught because, as you say, the thing seldom conveys the magnitude of what you want it to.
Exactly!