• My Daughter, My Inspiration

    At 3 years old, Crystel couldn’t speak. She couldn’t say her name. The only one who understood her was her brother, Juan Jose’. He’d interpret for us.

    One time, Jody, Juan Jose’ and I were at a campground, and each mom had reached it by a different path. Each mom thought the other had Crystel. Juan Jose’ said it the best when we found Crystel eye to eye with a white double-bearded goat. “Cissy, I so scared my heart go out then come back in when I see you.”

    The goat chewing her cud, the little girl waiting for her family to find her.

    It was tasked with her daily homework. A folder filled with pictures. I pulled a photo out, she named it, and we would go through the stack. Except, I gave up. I didn’t understand a word she was saying. I couldn’t comprehend how she would get any better.

    It was her speech therapist that said, “Crystel’s the hardest worker I have. She always does her best. Are you doing her homework?”

    That evening we started again. With Crystel in my lap, I pointed to a picture of fire.

    “Ire,” Crystel said.

    I moved my finger to a firefighter.

    “Ireighter.”

    To a shark’s fin.

    “in.”

    Of course, Crystel did get better, and she graduated from speech therapy by the time she was eight years old. She no longer allowed Juan Jose’ to speak for her.

    She had a voice. She had determination. She had fortitude.

    I became a believer. Crystel would be able to do anything that she ever wanted to do because she would not quit. Even when her mom did.

    Crystel and Juan Jose’ are sophomores in high school. They start losing electronic privileges if their grades drop below a B-. Crystel is a straight A student. It doesn’t come easy for her. She studies nightly.

    She will not let me or anyone else determine her life. She will not allow herself to be mediocre.

    Her passions catch fire.

    On several occasions, she has created convincing PowerPoint presentations to persuade Jody and me. I had no plan to travel to Japan. Her presentation included facts, photos, and vibrated with excitement. We will now be traveling there for the summer 2020 Olympics. We have a map of Japan in our kitchen. We have a Japan vacation fund.

    On our latest trip to Guatemala, it was at her insistence that we kayaked to a waterfront house for sale in Guatemala on the shores of Lake Atitlan. Walking around the property, I realized that Guatemala had truly entered our hearts. Our every other year visits would no longer be just about visiting the birth families. Crystel was right. Anything was possible.

    She ran the Wood Lake half marathon this summer with a friend. 13.1 miles. 8.22 min a mile. She had not yet turned 16.

    Crystel has recently become a vegan. If it was anyone else, I might think that this is a phase she is going through. Because it is her, I understand that she has embraced the lifestyle. She prepares and cooks her own food. I find this impressive, but it doesn’t surprise me.

    Crystel meets storms head on. Her face to the wind. She is living. She has a hunger to be and to do.

    Her current life plan is to be a Futurist. A Futurist is a person who studies the future and makes predictions based on current trends.

    Based on current trends, she will be just fine.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    One response to “My Daughter, My Inspiration”

    1. bbachel Avatar

      Among other things, I love the way you and your family are saving for your Olympics goal.

  • Rewind 11 Years

    In the fall of 2007, our oldest son left for college. At 16, our younger son was still at home and a little dismayed about having our undivided attention. I had my marketing communications business (the Great Recession of 2008-2009 hadn’t dried up freelance work yet), but I was contemplating what the next stage might offer. Recently, while tossing old paper files, I found notes from 2007 about what I hoped my life would be like—a snapshot that surprised me.

    Photo of Ireland I added to my life map — Rock of Cashel near Tipperary

     

     

     

     

     

    Photo I took from the inside of the Rock of Cashel ruins

     

     

    At 53, I figured I had 30 years of good health and maybe another 10 years of iffy health. It’s a little odd that I had signed up for a workshop centered around “What To Do with the Rest of Your Life” or some other dippy name. I’ve always made a lot of lists and had short-term goals like lose 5 pounds, exercise more, and write more, but my long-range goals have remained hazy. OK, the truth is that I’ve never had 5-year career plans or 5-year life plans. Mostly I’ve had vague directions and made up my life as I went along. However, with so many articles and books about the challenges of mid-life, empty nests, and retirement, I felt a pang of responsibility (like maybe I needed to act like a grownup and prepare a little), so I signed up.

    The workshop focused on helping us identify our values, gifts, passions, and purpose so we could create “life maps.” The language of self-help tends to give me the vapors, but once I set aside my bad attitude, I saw that they were worthy questions, so I did my homework. Then I promptly forgot all about my life map until I recently rediscovered it.

    In 2007, here’s what I envisioned—

    • Creativity – Keep writing, return to pottery and quilting, explore watercolors and stained glass. Writing, pottery, quilting—check. Watercolors and stained glass— still to come.
    • Travel – Visit Hawaii, Ireland, Paris and Provence, and return to Italy. Hawaii, Italy and Ireland – done. We plan to visit Paris next year. Provence is still to come and the list continues to grow.
    • Teaching – Instead of teaching a writing course at St. Thomas University, now I help teach immigrants English.
    • Stay close with family – Yes, definitely. However, in 2007, my parents were still in good health. I understood they were aging, but I spent no time imagining my father’s death in 2011 and my mother’s death in 2014.
    • Volunteer work – Ongoing.
    • Socializing – Continue book group – Now I participate in two of them. Have more dinner parties or start a gourmet group. Still hopeful.
    • Move to a smaller home – We have.

    What surprises me is that I’ve actually done so much of what I’d envisioned, especially considering my lack of focused planning. Maybe writing out my goals helped make them more real. Maybe my goals were so modest that it wouldn’t be a stretch to complete them. Either way, I’m pleased that I’ve used my time well.

    I haven’t prepared a new life map and probably won’t. However, if pressed, I would say that my long-range plans include more of the same activities and maybe some grandchildren.

    Check back with me in 2029!

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    10 responses to “Rewind 11 Years”

    1. bbachel Avatar

      Fun to read about your goals…those achieved, those on your mind and even to get a glimpse of things that might become goals at some point. Your goal-setting friend who has a goal of seeing you before the year is out, Bev

    2. Cindy Maxa Avatar
      Cindy Maxa

      Yes Ellen it is a great post. Hope you really don’t have to wait that long for grandchildren!

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Uh, careful! Don’t want to freak out the guys about the topic of grandkids 😉

    3. Eliza Waters Avatar

      It is interesting that most of your visualizations materialized without consciously focusing upon them. I’ve always tended to go by the seat of my pants, but I probably could use a bit more focus on the time I have left. I probably waste a lot of time!

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Well . . . maybe my experience makes a case for the seat of the pants approach!

    4. Luanne Avatar

      Good for you on meeting so many of your goals!

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Thanks! It felt so odd (but gratifying) to find photos of my plans and realize I’d already done so many of them.

        1. Luanne Avatar

          What a rewarding feeling!

    5. Carole Duff Avatar

      Love this post – thank you!

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Thanks! Comparing then and now can be surprising.

  • September Glory

    My clock resets itself September. One August morning the temperature barely cracks fifty and I start thinking about the back to school ads and replenishing my studio writing supplies. When the air suggests jeans and a long-sleeve shirt, the sense of pure potential tricks my mind into pulling together a short story submission calendar. Kids wearing new shoes on their way to the playground reminds me my old backpack is in fine condition, but maybe a new leather bag might refresh fall clothes?

    Heading back to school as a student or teacher for almost three decades has hard-wired an unexplainable sense of optimism each year when school buses begin traveling through our neighborhood. It’s easier to daydream about new directions for characters or plots when golf courses slow down, weeding gardens gives way to yanking annuals and high temperatures fade. In this month of transition, I look forward to sitting at my desk and making the most of the year which begins in the ninth month on the calendar.

    January’s short days are made for serious stuff like cleaning closets, balancing finances, planning home repairs or starting diets, but the bright green days of September remind me I am still very much alive and hungry to learn and try new things. This is the time to read those community education booklets, sign up for dance class, buy a pile of books, begin a progressive dinner group. Anything that will keep you energized while minimizing January…and February….and March.

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    One response to “September Glory”

    1. Eliza Waters Avatar

      I like the idea of a progressive dinner party group. Even a monthly potluck at alternating hosts’ homes sounds like a great thing to do during the ‘hibernation months.’


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