• SHE LOST HER PURR

    Spirit
    Spirit

    After Kor Am Tae Kwon Do class, Antonio, Jody, and Crystel bustle inside. Soon I hear, plop, plop, boom as workout bag after workout bag bounces off the basement steps and lands on the bottom.  Antonio walks over to where I’m sitting, my hand lying on Spirit.

    “Did you brush Spirit?” Antonio asks.

    “Yeah, I forgot she was dead.”

    He laughs. It helps to have a sense of humor when your pet has just died.

    This is the first time Antonio and Crystel been old enough to understand the death of a pet.

    JoJo and Angel
    Angel and JoJo

    JoJo died on Crystel’s 4th birthday, but this was after Jody and I visited the vet for the sick cat. While burying JoJo in the backyard, I told the children that animals and people don’t die completely, but their spirit lives on, so you could pet their energy. I thought all was going well for the 4-year olds, and I was especially touched when they asked permission to pet JoJo. I said, yes, and had an image of them floating their small hands in the air, caressing him above his grave. Fortunately, I looked out the window before they had shoveled JoJo back up. My spiritual talk flew right up to heaven past their little heads.

    Now that they are 11, they could participate in Spirit’s death. Two hours earlier, all of us including our two dogs and other cat, were surrounding Spirit as Dr. Rebecca from MN Pets talked about the process. Earlier in the day I had asked for referrals. MN Pets as well as Animal House Call Service were recommended.I didn’t want Spirit to go one more day in pain.

    My morning routine with Spirit was for her to sit on my lap. She’d crane her neck to give me a head butt. I’d brush under her chin where she liked it the most while listening to her purr. Jody had an evening routine that involved Spirit curling between her legs as she brushed her teeth. Between morning and night, Antonio and Crystel visited Spirit in one of her many hiding places.

    Dr. Rebecca made us feel good about our decision to let Spirit go. She pointed out the signs as Crystel lay nose to nose with Spirit. She told us about the sleepy drug that she would give Spirit and then the final injection that would stop her heart.

    Saying goodbye
    Saying goodbye

    I noticed that I was trying not to cry, but then I realized that wouldn’t help the children at all if I didn’t show that it was okay to cry. So I got a box of Kleenex and let my feelings eek out.  

    Crystel lifted her head. “Can I have one of Spirit’s whiskers?”

    “Let’s talk about that later, Crystel.” I said. I didn’t really have a problem with this but the cat wasn’t even dead yet. Seemed like we were getting a little ahead of ourselves.

    “Yes, let’s wait on that one, Crystel,” Jody said.

    Spirit’s heart had stopped beating before Jody, Antonio, and Crystel left for Tae Kwon Do but I assured them that she wouldn’t be buried until they got back.

    While they are gone, I continue to pet and brush Spirit until the warmth leaves her body.

    Spirit's brother Angel
    Spirit’s brother Angel

    When they return, I ask, “Antonio and Crystel, are you going to carry Spirit outside?”

    They negotiate how they are going to manipulate the cat bed out the patio door without dropping Spirit.

    Spirit still looks like herself. She isn’t cold. She isn’t stiff. She doesn’t look like a ghost or a cat skeleton.

    After placing Spirit in the hole, I ask, “Who wants to be first to shovel dirt on her?”

    “I do,” Crystel says.

    Tears and soil fall on Spirit.

    Because we didn’t rush Spirit into the ground, death was not scary for the children—especially, since they came home to find Mama Beth brushing a dead cat.   It wasn’t even necessary to give them a talk about how our spirits still lives after we die. They were living it.

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    2 responses to “SHE LOST HER PURR”

    1. Jill Avatar
      Jill

      What a beautiful moment showing your children how to say goodbye. Lovely.

    2. patrick flynn Avatar
      patrick flynn

      Beth Ann,
      I am sorry for your loss of your cat. Animals are mostly unconditional lovers, and I understand the pain when they die. I have a wonderful cat our daughter brought home about 5 years ago, after I had said no more animals. I became like the cats dad. I look forward to coming home at nite and hearing her bound down the steps to greet me as I take off my coat. They are a gift to us to share and pamper. I guess the older I get the more I come to appreciate this gift which is given to us. It sounds like you have others to fill the void, but as you know each one is special and has there own personality.
      Take care & I enjoy WordSisters.
      pat flynn

      Sent from my iPad

      >

  • Paying It Forward . . . And Back

    Blue weavingThis past October, my 92-year-old mother and my Aunt Corinne, her 88-year-old sister, both needed to be moved. Mom was moving from the house in Ohio where she’d lived for more than 30 years to a seniors’ apartment. After breaking several vertebrae, Aunt Corinne has been in a rehab center for months. It’s unlikely she’ll be able to return to her costly assisted living apartment, so her belongings had to be packed up and put in storage.

    Each move involved some emotional upheaval. And there was the usual packing process—coordinating with the movers, wrapping precious items in bubble wrap, and figuring out what to do with quasi-useful stuff (Is this worth keeping? Will she ever use this again?).

    Since both moves had to happen within a week of each other, my siblings and I divided up the work. I organized Mom’s move from her house while my sister and brothers emptied out Aunt Corinne’s apartment.

    We’re hardly unique. Many middle-aged people are called on to help elders, often while still raising children. We feel the pull of threads woven when we were still children—unaware of how we mattered to our family.

    When my siblings and I were kids, Aunt Corinne and Uncle Bob were fun to visit. He owned a vending machine business, and they always gave my sister, two brothers and me candy, pop, and snacks from the supplies stored in the basement. Although they didn’t have children, they knew what kids liked, and they always remembered our birthdays with nice gifts. Thank goodness they had a poodle to play with, because we quickly grew bored and squirmy when the grownups talked in the living room. Aunt Corinne had a beautiful flower garden but never fussed if the ball or the dog got into it. So when poor health got the best of Aunt Corinne, we stepped in to help.

    Similarly, my husband, his sisters, and brother began helping their uncle manage his affairs this year. He is fiercely independent, never married, generous to a fault, and blind since he was 40. He finally agreed to move into a nursing home after his last fall and hospital stay. At 92, he has Parkinson’s, cancer and a failing memory—too many issues for him to continue going it alone. When my husband was a teen, his uncle gave him a job in the cafeteria he managed. Since they have that history, he was better able to accept my husband’s suggestion that living alone was no longer a good idea.

    From the vantage point of middle age, I can now see how we weave each generation into the sturdy cloth we call family.

    A nephew on my husband’s side of the family recently got married. He’s a chef, so preparing wonderful food for the wedding was his gift to the guests. Unfortunately, at the last minute, some of the people he had counted on to help weren’t able to come. So his parents, grandmother, my husband and I, along with a handful of others, helped him and his fiancée pull together the many details of the wedding. We cooked, washed up, ran errands, and made decorations. The main entrée was a whole pig that needed to roast all night and most of the day. Our sons agreed to monitor the roasting pig during the middle of the night. That way, their cousin was able to grab a few hours of sleep the night before he got married. His parents rested easier, too.

    Through their willingness to help, our sons deepened their relationships with their aunt, uncle, cousin and his bride. John and I reinforced our ties with our nephew and new niece.

    But more than that, our help affirmed how families pay it forward . . . and back. Giving and receiving are the warp and weft that create the enduring fabric of family.

    , , ,

    2 responses to “Paying It Forward . . . And Back”

    1. Pam Avatar
      Pam

      As usual you’ve been able to articulate the transitional experience artfully and truthfully. Sometimes I get frustrated that my dad will never realize all I am doing for him now, even though I know he did a lot for me, even before I was aware of it.

      1. Pat E Avatar
        Pat E

        I like how you captured the importance of being there for family. It definitely is true for our family, including the next generation.

  • On Being A Role Model

    13355524[1]Recently, while Mark Anthony Rolo was visiting the Twin Cities he stayed at our house. Mark Anthony Rolo is the nonfiction mentor for the Loft Mentor Series and offered to devote a Saturday working with the nonfiction winners. Since he travels from northern Wisconsin, I extended an invitation to him and his dog. Our house would also serve as a meeting place the next day.

    I’m sure that I told Antonio and Crystel that Mark is one of the Loft Mentors who’s working with me, but Crystel didn’t really understand until I said, “He wrote a book. It’s in the living room. The one with a picture of him and his dog Rock on the back cover.”

    She got the book. At that very moment, Mark was sitting by a fire we had built in the backyard.

    “That’s him? And that’s Rock?”

    “Yes.”

    6815689230_1497703279[1]Crystel loves books. Finally, it clicked that she had an actual living author right in her backyard. That was almost too much for her eleven-year-old brain to grasp.

    I was hoping, as any mother might, that this also elevated me in her eyes.

    Antonio and Crystel spent a lot of time playing with Rock, tugging and pulling and throwing. And, even though they could have left during the adult chatter around the fire, they didn’t disappear. I hoped that it was because they found us interesting, but truth be told, their electronics were banned for the weekend. So what else is a kid to do?

    Later that evening, Crystel couldn’t contain herself any longer and told me, in the presence of Mark, that she was going to write a better book than me.

    Mark making his mother's bread.
    Mark making his mother’s bread.

    Around noon the next day, she pulled me to the side in the dining room and said, “Are those people in there famous?” She motioned to our living room.

    I thought of the four of us, all mentorship winners, all wanting to publish a book.

    “Yes, they are,” I said. “They’re authors. They’re going to publish their books.”

    That evening, long after everyone had gone, Crystel asked if she could read Mark’s book. “You’ll have to ask Mama Jody. I think she’s reading it.”

    “Sorry, I’m reading it, Crystel,” I heard from the other room.

    On Monday when she came home from school, she asked if she could take Mark’s book to school the next day. She had told people that a famous person had stayed at her house and she had the book to prove it.

    Lately, Crystel has begun to ask, “Can I work on my book now?” And then she brings her computer over to where I’m writing and she writes with me.

    This Saturday, she’ll meet another famous person, Ellen Shriner, my WordSister partner.

    9780985981822_p0_v2_s600[1]Ellen is reading at SubText Bookstore. Contributors will read from Holy Cow Press’s anthology The Heart of All That is: Reflections on Home.

    You’re all invited to the reading — 7p.m. on Saturday.

    I love being surrounded by famous people and that my daughter wants to be one too.

    , , ,


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