WordSisters

  • The Gift of Nothing at All

    Ellen Shriner's avatar

    Ellen Shriner

    I am blessed to have a number close women friends. Any one of them can make me feel great about my new haircut, laugh their butts off with me over the stupidest little thing, let me rant about my job/parents/kids/house/you name it, and offer wise advice if I want it or simply listen if I don’t. I trust them with my secrets, and I count on these friends when times are tough. You know who you are, and I love you.

    But I don’t want to buy you presents even though you deserve them—loads of them.

    Why? Gift-giving anxiety. Go ahead—roll your eyes. It’s stupid, I know.

    It starts off innocently enough. I see cute a little tchotchke—maybe it’s a 4-inch tall robot that makes me smile and I think, that would make (name of close friend goes here) laugh. So I buy it to give at Christmas or your birthday. Sometimes I covet a lovely item—maybe a small oval box covered in marbled Florentine paper, but I stop myself because I already have a number of pretty little boxes. But one of my besties would love this too, so I buy it. And that’s how the gift exchange among girlfriends begins.

    Screen Shot 2013-12-09 at 8.09.38 PM

    At first, it’s fun. I’ve received many wonderful, inspired gifts. I love them because you thought to give them and because I enjoy the things themselves. I’ve tried to return the favor. Over the years, I’ve given scented candles, deluxe lotions and soaps, cool earrings, whimsical artwork, Christmas ornaments, good books, pretty scarves, food treats—whatever little luxury I think you’ll enjoy.

    But after several years of gift exchanges, I’ve exhausted my good ideas for small treasures. Gift-giving anxiety creeps in. Didn’t I buy you earrings last time? How many scented candles does a person need? Will this red scarf go with any of your clothes? I want to do something nice for you, but what? Soon I am haunting gift shops and boutiques in search of the perfect cool thing for you. And then the missteps begin. I get a book you’ve already read. Coffee hurts your stomach, so that special coffee and mug—well, maybe you can give it to somebody else.

    If you didn’t matter so much to me, this wouldn’t be so hard.

    Eventually, we are both struggling. Finally, one of us says let’s call off the gift exchange. We are both relieved.

    We agree to go out instead and do what we love most: talk, laugh, advise, comfort. That’s the best gift—time with you.

    ,

    7 responses to “The Gift of Nothing at All”

    1. Wendy Skinner Avatar
      Wendy Skinner

      Dang, this is the only reason I don’t like the holidays and birthdays–gift-giving anxiety. And then I procrastinate and it’s even worse! I have a sister who possesses a gift-giving sixth sense. She seems to pull off the most thoughtful gifts to members of my family. Thanks for the confession, Ellen! and glad to hear you two could come to a mutual agreement! Happy Holidays!

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar
        Ellen Shriner

        I’ve been surprised to discover how many people share my gift-giving anxiety!

    2. Are We Having Fun Yet? | Eliza Waters

      […] The Gift of Nothing at All (wordsisters.wordpress.com) […]

    3. Pam Avatar
      Pam

      Perfect timing! It’s hard not to buy those things we see for our nearest and dearest, but instead we can put the resources we are blessed with–a bit of earned cash and our best free time–to be with our friends in person, plan trips, have great dinners…the gift of my friends’ company is what I look forward to most here in midlife!

      1. bbachel Avatar
        bbachel

        I was with a friend yesterday and she said that one of the best gifts we can give is the gift of our presence, which made me realize how un-present I sometimes am. So here’s my holiday vow: to not focus on presents at the expense of presence.

        1. Ellen Shriner Avatar
          Ellen Shriner

          I agree, sometimes presence is harder. But what a lovely thought

      2. Ellen Shriner Avatar
        Ellen Shriner

        I’m looking forward to our next visit!

  • What’s In Arkansas?

    Elizabeth di Grazia's avatar

    Elizabeth di Grazia

    The Movie Shoot
    The Movie Shoot

    Thanksgiving dinner, good company, excellent hiking trails, a movie shoot, and 50 degree weather.

    The second question to arise in the ten-hour drive from Minneapolis is why is Arkansas pronounced AR-ken-saw?

    Our van ride was more docile than the fight in 1881 over the State’s pronunciation.The pronunciation of Arkansas was made official by an act of the state legislature in 1881, after a dispute between two U.S. Senators from Arkansas. One wanted to pronounce the name ar-KAN-zes and the other wanted AR-ken-saw.

    Hobbs State Park Conservation Area
    Hobbs State Park Conservation Area

    I hadn’t done any research on the inlaws or the state of Arkansas prior to visiting. I returned to Minneapolis after our 4-day stay delighted in both. So much so, I thought about moving.

    Prior to our visit, I had not given any thought to the geography of the state. I pictured it as a small postage stamp. What I found was surprisingly different.

    The state’s geography ranges from mountains to densely forested land to  lowlands along the Mississippi River. Arkansas has 52 state parks.

    Hobbs State Park Recreation Area, where we hiked has bluffs, rocky outcrops, limestone bedrock, caves, sink holes, and a fault line. Crystel has lately been in the habit of cartwheeling everywhere she goes and can now say that she has done it on a trail in Arkansas.December 4 2013 196

    December 4 2013 186Signage in Arkansas could be an issue. In this picture if you look at the sign it clearly says that the War Eagle Valley Loop is straight ahead. That is actually Little Clifty Creek – the difference being a 9 mile hike instead of the 6 mile hike we envisioned ourselves on. I shouted after the mountain bikers and horse back riders what trail they thought THEY were on. And we weren’t thinking the same.

    Orange tree where the oranges look like brains
    Orange tree.

    One just needs to keep in mind the earlier dispute in 1881. There was obviously confusion there too and they even made it a law to keep it confusing.

    Near our home base was a wonderful backyards trail in J.B. Hunt Park. The park covers 105 acres and was a beautiful hour walk that included a path around a  lake, a spring, and orange trees. The oranges looked like brains. December 4 2013 172

    The children received their first ‘real’ paycheck in Arkansas. They were paid to be in a movie shoot with What’s Up, Que Pasa.

    Ozark Video needed two 11-year old children that knew a bit of Spanish for a quiz show. Fortunately, we were available and Antonio and Crystel had the right December 4 2013 093complexion.  This could be the start of something big.

    Arkansas is definitely a place to visit. Don’t skirt around it. Stop, if you are in the area.

    , ,

  • Mom’ s Closet: Treasures and Surprises

    Ellen Shriner's avatar

    Ellen Shriner

    While helping move Mom last month, I unearthed a number of artifacts from bygone eras—hers and mine.

    P1030680How can you not love polka dots? They’re whimsical. Cheerful. And in the 1960s when Mom carried this clutch bag and wore these gloves to church, they were a stylish accent to her navy blue spring coat . . . and perhaps a reminder that she hadn’t always had four kids, dinners to cook, and laundry to do.

    P1030674If you’re not a Baby Boomer, you probably don’t recognize this item. I didn’t recognize it either because math has never been my forté, but it’s my slide rule (look closely—you can see my name on it). Before pocket calculators were invented, we used them for logarithms and trigonometry—skills that I’ve completely forgotten after high school.

    When the Apollo 13 space module malfunctioned, Mission Control engineers used slide rules in the calculations needed to get astronauts back to earth. Slide rules! One of the best-known Mission Control engineers was Gene Kranz, the flight director whose famous line in the Apollo 13 movie was, “Failure is not an option.” When Mom and I were talking about slide rules and the near disaster of Apollo 13, Mom mentions in an offhand way, “Yeah, I went to high school with Gene Kranz.” What? Why hadn’t she ever mentioned that before?

    hankyMom knows I collect and use handkerchiefs for my watery eyes, so she offered me this one from my grandma. Mom never carried hankies. Instead she keeps Kleenex in her pocket. If she doesn’t have a pocket, she tucks a Kleenex up her sleeve or in her waistband—something you have to be at least 80 years old to do.

    I love old hankies. Before Kimberly-Clark marketed Kleenex in 1924, people relied on handkerchiefs—elegant linen ones for good and simpler cotton ones for everyday. But even after Kleenex became commonplace, the humble hanky remained popular, especially among little old ladies. They were an accessory carried for show, not hygienic use—something that could be embroidered or bordered in lace—a little bit of pretty in a workaday world.

    This Thanksgiving, I hope you’re blessed with the treasure of fond memories and stories shared with family over a second cup of coffee and piece of pie.

    , ,

    One response to “Mom’ s Closet: Treasures and Surprises”

    1. Jill Avatar
      Jill

      I LOVE the polka dot gloves and clutch. They make me want to host a Mad Men party just to see you with them! Great memories. Perfect day to offer them. Happy Thanksgiving.

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