WordSisters

  • Stuff Happening

    cmkraack's avatar

    cmkraack

    Climate change is moving ahead without human intervention. Even the Mighty Mississippi is drying up leaving commercial traffic stranded in low water. Record temps, record rains, record wild fires aren’t as easily resolved as heavy winter snow.

    But in the Midwest this fall, that same weather has meant beautiful lazy sunrises and warm days that give us opportunities for another walk, a bike ride, one last cookout. Sitting outside feeding grandbaby a bottle, the late morning sunshine feels even warmer without a leaf canopy. My arms store memories of bottles and burbs and giggles and books read in this chair during the second six months of her life.

    All is not easy on this idyllic day. There are difficult physical weeks ahead including the possibility of serious surgery. Except for C-sections and babies, I’ve never had surgery or stayed overnight in a hospital. A date is on the calendar for the initial stage of this process. Part of me is calm, almost relieved to know what must be done and how. Calm until about three in the morning when a busy mind chases down unknown alleys.

    Family and friends have had their times under anesthesia in 2022. One was the result of past athletic injuries, another fell, the others faced cancer with chemicals and radiation as well as surgery. For me to have sports-related surgery would be kind of funny. And I’m relieved to not be beginning the cancer battle. Most of us will face a few days in our lives wearing drafty cotton gowns and trying to sleep surrounded by noisy machines. I’d rather be crammed into a tight airline seat trying to sleep surrounded by noisy kids. That was not a choice.

    For now the seasonal discussions about who will be at Thanksgiving and what day is best for Christmas festivities have been displaced. Stuff is happening.

    3 responses to “Stuff Happening”

    1. Eliza Waters Avatar
      Eliza Waters

      Ah, the 3 a.m. mind race, it gets one every time. Try this exercise (I do it to take my mind off things): Breathe slowly in for the count of 4, hold for 7, then release slowly for 8 counts. Repeat at least 5 times. Usually sends me right back to dreamland. 🙂

    2. Bev Bachel Avatar
      Bev Bachel

      I, too, would rather be crammed into a tight airline seat than face surgery. I will hold you and your health/body in my thoughts and prayers.

      1. cmkraack Avatar
        cmkraack

        Thank you, Bev. I appreciated your last blog as well.

  • Learning a New Language: Love

    bevbachel's avatar

    bevbachel

    “Every household has a first language, a kind of language of the home,” says Alex Kalman in The Art of Noticing: 131 Ways to Spark Creativity, Find Inspiration and Discover Joy in the Everyday.

    If that’s true, the language of the home I grew up in was chaos.

    My dad worked long hours in a Honeywell factory, assembling parts for our nation’s space program.

    Sometimes he came home after his 12-hour shift. Often, he went out drinking. Sometimes he got drunk. Occasionally bad things happened. Like the time a buddy who was driving plowed into the back of a parked car, sending my dad through the windshield and to the emergency room to have his scalp stitched back together.

    I learned about that the next morning when my mom sent me into my parents’ bedroom to wake my dad. I was in sixth grade at the time and, nearly 60 years later, can still picture his dried blood on my parents’ white sheets and the rows of stitches that ran up my dad’s forehead and into his balding scalp.

    There was also the time my dad drove his car off the road and into a house. And the many times he just didn’t come home. By then, he owned a neighborhood bar where he and his favorite customers often stayed drinking until the wee hours of the morning.

    And, no surprise, there were the frequent fights his drinking caused, fights he often didn’t remember but that I still find hard to forget.

    Although there’s a lot about our COVID-induced isolation that I resent, one thing I do appreciate is that it’s given me the time and space to think more deeply about the patterns of behavior I grew up with and which ones no longer serve me.

    Therapy and a supportive partner are a big help. So is Dr. Gary Chapman, whose work centers on helping people learn what he refers to as the five “love languages”:

    1. Affirming with words
    2. Giving gifts
    3. Offering physical touch
    4. Performing acts of service
    5. Spending quality time together

    Although I wish the language of my home would have been different when I was growing up, I’m working hard to make love its language–and mine–now.

    , ,

    3 responses to “Learning a New Language: Love”

    1. Ann Coleman Avatar
      Ann Coleman

      I think surviving any kind of childhood trauma requires honest introspection about what happened, how we reacted to it, and how we’ve allowed it to control our behavior and beliefs, even all these years later. Once we understand that, then we can make the changes that help us become so much happier and healthier. Good for you for doing that!!!

      1. Bev Bachel Avatar
        Bev Bachel

        Thx for the support. It’s not always easy but I do believe the changes I’m working on now will lead to what you say…a happier and healthier future.

        1. Ann Coleman Avatar
          Ann Coleman

          I believe that too! It will be hard at times, but if you keep going, you’ll get there!

  • In Praise of Older Women

    Ellen Shriner's avatar

    Ellen Shriner

    Most days I’m fine with donning my invisibility cloak (the uniform of people 60 years and older) and going about my days. I’m content to fly under the radar, doing what I love. However, recently I’ve been reminded that too often the world doesn’t see older women and when it does, it’s with a lot of inaccurate assumptions—supposedly we aren’t good with computers or cell phones, we’re frail, we’re clueless about financial matters and the workplace, and so forth.

    Except those caricatures don’t resemble any of the women I know.

    I’m 68 and have friends ranging from 60-78. A quick review of approximately twenty women I know turned up a more realistic and positive profile—

    • Several friends are still working although most have retired from paid work.
    • Some volunteer as nonprofit board members (helping run the world for free). 
    • Many of my acquaintances volunteer in other ways—at a blood bank, rescuing abandoned dogs, tutoring, at homeless shelters, doing environmental projects, and more.
    • The women I know do some or all of these activities: biking, camping, kayaking, hiking, yoga, pickle ball, walking, lifting weights, and swimming.
    • Some of my friends are childless. Others are mothers and inspired grandmothers. Although they enjoy grandmothering, it’s just one aspect of their lives.
    • Most of us have traveled extensively. Some are probably planning their next adventure right now.
    • We are smart, capable people who know how to get stuff done. 
    • Several have published books and many have published shorter work.
    • We enjoy learning new things—maybe tap dancing, a craft like rosemaling, a Coursera class on the psychology of purchase behavior—whatever.
    • We know the pros and cons of long-term care insurance, how to time starting Social Security, how to roll over IRAs, write living wills, etc.
    • We are fun-loving but not carefree. We have plenty to worry about, but try not to let it swamp us.
    • Most of us read several newspapers online and are well-informed about political issues.
    • We are philosophical about aches and pains, but doing our best to hold the line and stay healthy.
    • We are sympathetic, kind, and good listeners. We have lots of loving advice for each other, but we try to resist dispensing unasked for advice to younger people. Mixed results, there!
    • We have good senses of humor, but get tired of being underestimated and don’t suffer fools gladly.

    There isn’t a helpless, clueless woman in the bunch.While these women are all wonderful, they aren’t rare exceptions. They’re typical. I wish more people saw us for who we really are—strong, smart, capable, and fun.

    , , , , , ,

    10 responses to “In Praise of Older Women”

    1. Luanne Avatar
      Luanne

      These are the women I know, and I’m proud to say I’m one of them.

    2. Ann Coleman Avatar
      Ann Coleman

      Well said! I do get tired of being dismissed, especially when I have a problem with technology. Because it is just assumed that the problem must be me, not that there is a glitch in the system. We are at an age where we have a lot to offer the world, and are contributing in many ways. We just don’t seek the attention for it.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar
        Ellen Shriner

        I hear you about the assumptions surrounding technology. In some of my volunteer activities I’ve been asked if I’m comfortable using a computer. What I think but don’t say is, “I’ve been using a computer since before you were born!” 😆

        1. Ann Coleman Avatar
          Ann Coleman

          I love that! And I might just say it one of these days too…..

      2. Luanne Avatar
        Luanne

        I agree about this experience with technology issues. I often solve the problem better than my IT person. But he always starts out thinking maybe I’m making an error.

        1. Ellen Shriner Avatar
          Ellen Shriner

          Thank you for commenting and sorry I didn’t reply sooner! I thought I had . . .

    3. Bev Bachel Avatar
      Bev Bachel

      Thx for the reminder of all the ways we older women rock.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar
        Ellen Shriner

        Glad my list worked for you👥!

    4. Eliza Waters Avatar
      Eliza Waters

      Hear, hear! I think older women (and men, too) are an under-appreciated resource. The younger generations are all too ready to write us off. “Not so fast, punk!” 😉

    5. Carole Duff Avatar
      Carole Duff

      YES!

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