When the notice of my 40th high school reunion arrived, my immediate reaction was, “This can’t possibly be right. I’m not THAT old.” But a little quick math (2012 – 1972 = 40 ?!?) told me it was true.
yeah, I’m afraid I really did have octagonal glasses . . .
And quick on the heels of that thought was, “Even if am that old, I have no wish to live in the past.”
But then I had a voicemail from the former class president—a really nice guy—somebody I’d always gotten along with. We weren’t that close, but I sensed we both yearned for something more out of life. I don’t know what he hoped for—but we recognized that in each other.
So that made me curious. As I recall, he was a runner and a good writer. What had he done with his life? That led to wondering about a few other people, and the Go/No Go debate was on.
I can think of a million reasons NOT to go. Here are four—
1. The reunion is in Ohio. I live in Minnesota.
2. I haven’t thought about high school or most of those people in years—why start now?
3. I have no desire to network with the insurance sales people or financial advisors in the group.
4. I don’t want to be squashed back into the shy insecure persona I had years ago just so I fit somebody’s memory of me.
And yet.
1. When I went to my 20th reunion, it was fun.
2. People seemed to remember my essential self—my best qualities—not how dorky I was.
3. They were kind. And genuinely pleased to see me . . . despite the prank I played with my profile in the memory book (The idea of bragging was distasteful to me, so I decided to be as outrageous as possible. I claimed to have won the Nobel Peace prize, to have married a rocket scientist, and to be raising two child prodigies. I assumed that description was so over-the-top that everyone would know I was joking. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case, so then I felt bad for mocking the profiles).
4. Certainly, after 40 years, we’ve all gotten over high school. No one cares any more about who was cool and who wasn’t. Now we’re all old (and therefore uncool).
Gawd, I sure hope we no longer have to prove anything to each other. Many of us wanted to be somebody, do something, make a mark. Did we? I don’t know, but I hope my classmates are at peace with whatever success (or lack of) they have.
Maybe I prefer to imagine that members of the class of 1972 at Central Catholic High School are content with their lives. I’m not sure I want to find out if some of them are still insecure and wearing their accomplishments like merit badges . . . .
After forty years, my classmates feel as I do: fond of some genuinely nice people I used to know.
What do you think—Should I go? Or not? Let me know!
If your 40th reunion is looming out there in the future, will you go?
Amazing But Good
Today, the Star Tribune reported, “Minnesota’s biggest Boy Scout group said that gays and lesbians remain welcome in its troops.” I applaud the Northern Star Council, which represents 75,000 Boy Scouts in Minnesota and western Wisconsin, for their inclusive stance—a position that bucks the national Boy Scouts of America policy banning openly homosexual people from participating in the Boy Scouts. See my June 21st blog, “A Parental Dilemma” for more on this topic.
5 responses to “High School Reunion: Go or No? and Something Amazing But Good”
Cathy Madison
GO. I’m in Atlanta, writing after the casual loungey get-together before the big event tomorrow night. I don’t live here. I only went to this high school for two years. I haven’t seen or heard from these people in at least 25, or in some cases 45, years. I remember their names and their essences but not much more. I hardly recognize them. But they’re wonderful, interesting, curious, welcoming, generous folk. Maybe those are the only kind who attend reunions. It’s well worth the gas/air fare, if only for the stories. GO.
P.S. I love your picture.
Carol
I say go and just enjoy the flashback! I relunctantly went to my 40th reunion and was very glad I did. I also live in Minneasota and the reunion was in Missouri. I didn’t believe anyone would really remember me and was pleasantly surprise. I’m pleased that I went.
You’ve got my vote for for “GO!” If people believed your “outrageous” claim to the Nobel Prize, then they recognized that it was plausible given what they knew of you in high school. Reunions are great places for introverts to finally socialize on a level playing field as adults and rediscover what they might have in common with others who shared a similar geographical upbringing. And hey, maybe it’s not so much the single reunion event. It could be more. Go back “home” and reconnect with the place and people who contributed to your formative years… And yes, plenty of fodder for the blog!
Brenda
I have never gone to any of my high school reunions and always wonder if I should, but I’ve never even actually heard of any occurring. I felt like such a misfit in high school that it’s hard to believe that it would be any different all these years later. But your post makes me wonder if I should try to make the next one. And I love the puffed-up profile (people really took it seriously?).
Pat Exarhos
I say GO! If your 20th was fun, the 40th should be even better. And, you will likely obtain some good material to blog about.
It’s amazing our best vacation ever would be in a third world country deemed dangerous for travel by the U.S. State Department. Even my best friend was questioning my risk assessment capability when I told him that I was going to Guatemala AND taking my partner and two nine-year-olds AND calling it a vacation. I myself found it a strange thought to be spending ten days in the same country where the Peace Corps announced that they would stop sending new volunteers due to the increasing violence in the country.
So what was I, a white woman, with her partner and two nine-year-olds doing in Guatemala? Simply, having the best vacation of our lives.
My next several posts will be about our trip. I hope to capture the feel of the Mayan culture in Guatemala. How truly immersed in our experiences we were. How full our days were. How peaceful and at ease we were and how I slept with the doors open each night without fear of intruders.
Antonio and Crystel loved the trampoline
This would be our second trip to Guatemala. Our first trip in 2010 was to see the country and Antonio and Crystel’s birth villages. Following our trip, Antonio and Crystel said they would like to meet their birth moms. That story and their recent meeting is described in my forthcoming memoir HOUSE OF FIRE: From the Ashes, A Family, a memoir of healing and redemption.
Making our acquaintance with the locals
I made our travel arrangements with one primary goal: to get as close to the Guatemalans living in villages as possible. Since Antonio and Crystel were born in Guatemala, I wanted to show them what their life might have been like if they had grown up there. Seeing it in a picture book doesn’t equate to learning to weave from a Guatemalan woman in a casa and playing soccer in the village square.
Lake Atitilan is famous for its natural beauty and the colorful Mayan villages near it. Santa Cruz la Laguna is a traditional Mayan village located on the steep mountainside of the lake. The village can only accessed by boat or footpath. A single winding road connects the dock to the village. A common gathering place in the village is the sports court, used for basketball and soccer by the children of the village.
This location was the perfect destination for our family because Santa Cruz la Laguna also has two nonprofits, Amigos de Santa Cruz and Mayan Medical Aid that focus on the local indigenous people. Santa Cruz ranks at the bottom in terms of literacy rate: 73.4% of the population is currently illiterate. One of the missions of Amigos de Santa Cruz is to help improve the lives of the people through support for education. Amigos officially opened a trade school in 2010. The school features a computer lab, craftsman workshop, and culinary area. Santa Cruz also ranks # 1 in infant and maternal mortality. Until the intervention of Mayan Medical Aid, health services, were practically non-existent.
A new friend
Lee Beal, a U.S. citizen living in Santa Cruz, serves on the board of directors of Amigos de Santa Cruz and is also involved with Mayan Medical Aid. I contacted him via email to inform him of my interest in visiting the projects.
Kayak Guatemala and Lake Atitilan Travel Guide showcases the many varied tours that Lee Beal provides. Hmmm, I thought, horseback riding, cliff jumping, ziplining — exactly what our family needs after meeting the birthmoms. Time for celebrating, letting go and having fun! What most piqued my interest is that his services are advertised as being family-friendly and safe for women travelers.
We came to stay at Lee Beal’s Los Elementos Adventure Center, because by the time we were leaving the States, I was totally confused about where we were staying and what hotel was the best for my family. Lee mentioned that they had a guest suite available that was connected to their private home. When he added that it also came with a kitchen, Jody and I were sold. We don’t classify Antonio as a picky eater– we only cook what he eats. And that means familiar foods that don’t touch each other. Packed inside our suitcase was dry elbow macaroni and wide egg noodles. Staples for unknown times.
Los Elementos Adventure Center became our home for the next five nights and six days.
Another friend and fresh eggs every morning
Lee’s personal touch was transmitted in his emails and became cemented when he said that he would meet us at the supermarket once we got to Panachel, help us grocery shop, bank, and then board the launch for his home.
The first thing the kids ran to after getting off the boat was the trampoline in the garden. All of their excess energy flipped and flung away. They only stopped to pet the chickens that ran loose and make their acquaintance with the three dogs. Soon after they were holding the dogs on their laps.
View from the village
After meeting Elaine and informing her that having a massage from Los Elementos Day Spa was on our itinerary we started our hike to the village square. Antonio lagged behind grumbling. It was too hot. The hill was too steep. The top too far away.Once at the square, he sullenly sat by himself and wouldn’t join us in watching the children playing soccer.
But the next day all that would begin to change.
In large part, this was due to Lee Beal using English-speaking Guatemalan guides, who not only guided us throughout our stay, but who also related to our nine-year-olds on a very personal level.
Samuel, a 21-year-old indigenous local guide kayaked with us on Lake Atitilan and rode a horse on San Pedro La Laguna. We looked to him for advice during our lunch, when we bartered with a Guatemalan woman from San Antonio la Laguna who was selling her weavings. Encouraged by Samuel, we ate Guatemalan foods and drinks that we would never have dared without his assurances that they were safe for a gringos’ intestinal tract.
Alex, also a local guide from a nearby village, hiked with us to waterfalls, played soccer with Antonio in the village squarewiththe local children, assisted with weaving, and swam with us at El Jaibolito.
Staying with the Beal’s was Zach, an adopted 14-year-old Guatemalan who is also from the United States and interning with Los Elementos as a guide. He was Antonio and Crystel’s constant companion. It was Zach who first jumped off the cliff followed by Antonio and Crystel. It was Zach who first put on his zipline hardware at Atitilan Nature Reserve to zing through the trees.
As the children’s mother, I could see that it made a difference to Antonio and Crystel that Samuel, Alex, and Zach were Guatemalan. They weren’t Hispanic. They weren’t Latin American. They weren’t from a different country. They were Guatemalan. Antonio and Crystel are Guatemalan. Their brown arms are the same skin tone. Their hair has the same coarseness. Their faces have the same Mayan features.
Through our Guatemalan guides, the village came to us and Antonio and Crystel began to gain a sense of who they are.
Molly Watters, first female drum major for the University of Minnesota Marching Band, 2006
by Ellen
. . . My friend Marilyn was able to study auto repair at a community college and work as a mechanic at Sears, because she needed a job that paid well.
. . . My niece Katie was offered a scholarship to pole-vault on a college track and field team, something that was unheard of in 1972, when I was a high school senior.
. . . My son Greg was able to meet his girlfriend in the University of Minnesota Marching Band last year. Until 1972, young women weren’t allowed in the U of M’s marching band. In 2006, they had their first drum major (shown above).
Because of Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 (sometimes known as the Equal Opportunity in Education Act), millions of young women—and young men—have equal access to educational programs and activities:
No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving federal financial assistance.
The simplicity of the statute is deceptive, but the effects are far-reaching. And surprisingly, there isn’t a word about access to athletics, though that’s what Title IX is best known for.
Besides sports, Title IX also covers access to higher education, career education, education for pregnant and parenting students (remember when girls were kicked out of school if they were pregnant?), employment, learning environment, math and science, sexual harassment, standardized testing and technology.
Because of Title IX . . . women of my era had more opportunities, and now so do our sons and daughters.
There are numerous famous examples Title IX’s effects:
Past U.S. Olympic champions like Mia Hamm, Jackie Joyner Kersee, and Lindsay Vonn
The women who are about to become medalists later this month in the 2012 Summer Olympics
But just as important are everyday examples of Title IX’s effects:
Half of the young doctors hired last year at the hospital where I work are women—neurosurgeons, neurologists, and orthopedic surgeons (including one who was also an Air Force fighter pilot). In 1970, about 10 percent of all medical students were women.
My sons learned to cook and sew in a high school class called Family Life, but they wouldn’t have been allowed in home economics class in 1972.
Because of Title IX, it is no longer remarkable that women are doctors, lawyers, professors, architects, engineers, software programmers, members of the military, business owners and more.
And that, for me, is remarkable.
I was one of thousands of women who entered the professional workforce in 1979, when the world was changing rapidly. My unpublished memoir COLETTE’S LEGACY traces my personal and professional coming-of-age and puts a personal face on the social changes that transformed a generation.
Although it seems like the Dark Ages to the newest generations today, that’s probably a good thing. It’s nothing special to allow everyone, regardless of who they are, equal access to life’s opportunities. It’s just right.
Thanks for reading and commenting. It’s hard to take in that what’s “normal” and accepted has only been that way for several decades. But I’m always mindful that things could change back . . .
margo
I wish with all my heart Title IX had been enacted earlier; to include us, to train us in sports in 5th grade, to encourage us to be athletes. My daughters think I exaggerate.
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5 responses to “High School Reunion: Go or No? and Something Amazing But Good”
GO. I’m in Atlanta, writing after the casual loungey get-together before the big event tomorrow night. I don’t live here. I only went to this high school for two years. I haven’t seen or heard from these people in at least 25, or in some cases 45, years. I remember their names and their essences but not much more. I hardly recognize them. But they’re wonderful, interesting, curious, welcoming, generous folk. Maybe those are the only kind who attend reunions. It’s well worth the gas/air fare, if only for the stories. GO.
P.S. I love your picture.
I say go and just enjoy the flashback! I relunctantly went to my 40th reunion and was very glad I did. I also live in Minneasota and the reunion was in Missouri. I didn’t believe anyone would really remember me and was pleasantly surprise. I’m pleased that I went.
You’ve got my vote for for “GO!” If people believed your “outrageous” claim to the Nobel Prize, then they recognized that it was plausible given what they knew of you in high school. Reunions are great places for introverts to finally socialize on a level playing field as adults and rediscover what they might have in common with others who shared a similar geographical upbringing. And hey, maybe it’s not so much the single reunion event. It could be more. Go back “home” and reconnect with the place and people who contributed to your formative years… And yes, plenty of fodder for the blog!
I have never gone to any of my high school reunions and always wonder if I should, but I’ve never even actually heard of any occurring. I felt like such a misfit in high school that it’s hard to believe that it would be any different all these years later. But your post makes me wonder if I should try to make the next one. And I love the puffed-up profile (people really took it seriously?).
I say GO! If your 20th was fun, the 40th should be even better. And, you will likely obtain some good material to blog about.