• Going to the Dogs: On being a Decoy

    OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI’ve done some crazy stuff before but volunteering as a decoy for police dogs ranks close to the top. At first, as with most new adventures the idea of being a decoy was thrilling. I was very aware of the nearing day, checking my calendar, reading the email over and over, making sure that I had the right time and the proper clothing. Long sleeve shirt, pants, boots.

    My impetus for being a decoy was simply that I had never done it before and it sounded exciting. How often are you given the opportunity to be dog bait? Exactly. Within a minute of seeing the text asking for volunteers I responded with a firm, “Yes”. Apparently, no one else had this strong feeling because I was the only volunteer from our police reserve unit.

    Sometimes when you really want something and you also don’t really want the same thing it doesn’t happen. I half expected this training event to be cancelled.

    It wasn’t.

    And sometimes you try to imagine what this new adventure will look like.

    Visions of running across a field of flowers with a dog, maybe a Labrador, bounding after me and then taking a gentle leap pulling me to the ground was my image.

    Ignorance is bliss fits right in here.

    Reality was a vacant building, darkness, and me lying on a floor in the corner of an empty room with a sheet of black plastic covering me.

    There would be numerous police dogs with a K-9 police officer attempting to locate me, one by one. When does numerous become many? Let’s say when the count is over five. There would be many police dogs, each with their own K-9 police officer taking turns locating me one by one.

    Aloneness is being in a dark vacant building waiting for a dog to attack. You know it’s coming. You’re warned, “Come out or I’ll send my dog in after you. You WILL get bit.” In case you didn’t hear it the first time you’re warned again. “You WILL get bit. Come out NOW.”

    But and this is a big BUT, the role of a decoy is not to come out. The role of a decoy is to be still in the dark, under the tarp, until the dog latches onto you.

    This leaves you time to think. And, you think, I know I’m going to get bit. Some place on my body. Maybe it will be my arm or my leg, could be my back or my shoulder.

    I wasn’t too worried. I was suited up in a bite suit with a helmet on.

    The advertisement for the Ultra Kimono Training Bite Suit says that high back and chest bites can be taken with confidence.

    I can’t say that I was confident but I wasn’t too scared. I was squished in the corner like the Michelen man facing the wall. I felt as protected as one can feel when a police dog is on the prowl and you are the target.

    Lying under the tarp, breathing shallow, I didn’t stir.

    I heard the dog entering the room. It wasn’t the tap, tap of his nails that I heard first but his heavy, rapid breathing. He came closer. The dog barked a “He’s here boss!” which sounds like 2 or 3 loud snaps. The animal began moving the plastic around with his paws trying to find me with the K-9 police officer urging him on. “Get him! Get a piece of him! Find him!”

    I didn’t move.

    The dog latched onto my helmet and started pulling me out of the plastic. I played the next part perfectly, “Get your dog off me! Get your dog off me!” I screamed. “Get em off!”

    With every dog attack my fear increased exponentially. Each police dog didn’t just want a piece of me they wanted my head. “He’s got my helmet! He’s got my helmet! He’s pulling it off! Get your dog off me!”

    After one attack I took my helmet off. “Is that blood?” I asked looking down at the droplets on the floor. I felt the top of my head which felt tender but didn’t come away bloody. “Oh, that’s from the dog,” I said. It was the dog’s saliva I was seeing on the floor.

    By this time, I was scared like one should be when being attacked by a police dog. Almost all the dogs went for my head no matter how they tried to position me on the floor. The bite suit was so thick and big that I couldn’t get my sleeve up to hold my helmet on and I was sure that the dogs were going to pop me like a cork. A K-9 police officer even tried to expose my back side so the dogs would go for it. Nada. They wanted Beth’s head.

    I acted as a decoy in two other scenarios with multiple police dogs – standing in a corner down a long, long corridor and standing in a corner with a tarp over me. This time the dogs went for my leg. I learned that you shake your leg rapidly after the dog latches on so it doesn’t re-bite you. This is important to know if you’re a bad guy.

    Having become aware of my vulnerability as a human being I started to question my soundness of mind. In-between dogs I had plenty of time to think about that. I thought maybe I wouldn’t need to do this activity again. Perhaps being a decoy one time was enough.

    And, when I had the opportunity to call it a night, I sat down as quick as I could to get that bite suit off and hustled out of the building.

    But, a day has gone by. And I think I just might do it again. You don’t often get the opportunity to feel that afraid and test your mettle. I have learned from this experience. Don’t go prone. Volunteer for the standing position.

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    2 responses to “Going to the Dogs: On being a Decoy”

    1. Carol Avatar
      Carol

      You ROCK, girl! 🙂

      1. Elizabeth di Grazia Avatar
        Elizabeth di Grazia

        Thanks, Carol!

  • Beware of the Queen Bee

    In her Wall Street Journal article, “The Tyranny of the Queen Bees” Peggy Drexler reports that a 2011 American Management Association survey of 1,000 working women found that 95% of them believed another woman at some point in their careers undermined them. Drexler cites a number of other surveys in which women bosses were bullies, and most of the time their targets were other women.

    The Queen Bees’ favorite tactics are making snide remarks about another woman’s appearance, holding subordinates to unreasonably high standards, gossiping about them, and generally acting like high school mean girls. Various sources in the article theorize that Queen Bees bully because they are insecure and view up-and-coming women as threats.

    Screen shot 2013-03-27 at 10.24.04 PM

    My first reaction was dismay. As a baby boom woman, I have vivid memories of the days when men often disrespected women in the workplace and discriminated against us. How could a woman who’d lived through workplace bias treat another woman so poorly? I expect middle-aged women to know and act better. And I HATE IT when women act out negative stereotypes (catty, bitchy, etc.) Not only is their bad behavior galling, but it also makes it harder for the rest of us to succeed.

    But after some reflection, I realized that while I believe Queen Bees exist, and I’ve known people who have been hurt by them, I know far more women who are supportive of other women and willingly mentor younger women.

    One friend was a senior leader at a Fortune 500 and she was an active part of a corporate women’s mentoring group. Another friend, a successful business owner, is very generous with her time and advice. In addition to mentoring professional women, she volunteers with organizations that reach out to younger women. My middle-aged coworkers and I are very willing to mentor.

    Screen shot 2013-03-27 at 10.22.57 PM

    What’s interesting is that the youngest women in the department (recent grads) seek out several of us for mentoring, while the women who have a little bit experience are fiercely independent and prefer to go their own way. Sometimes I have watched in horror as some of them do things the hardest way possible. But they don’t want advice, so I don’t antagonize them by offering any.

    While I believe Queen Bees exist and can wreak havoc, I think generous, supportive women outnumber them. The dynamics of women in the workplace are as varied and complex as women are themselves.

    What’s your experience as a mentor or mentee?  Have you ever dealt with a Queen Bee?

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    5 responses to “Beware of the Queen Bee”

    1. Theresa Avatar
      Theresa

      As always, Ellen, thanks for sharing life moments that sometimes parallel my own. A few years ago, I was chosen to train a new hire. Although a seasoned employee, she proceeded to turn the simpliest tasks into a complicated mess. As her self-inflicted stress grew, it was convenient for her to rant as soon as the (male) boss left the building. I learned an important lesson, which was summed up in your words, “…don’t antagonize them by offering any (advice).” With sincerity, I hope your friends are as wonderful as you believe them to be. My first, albeit cynical, thought was: “Ahhhhhh, but you don’t work with them.” In the end, I want to focus on creating a peaceful existence in my life, despite the chaos whirling around me. 🙂

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Theresa, I think I may have been in Pollyanna mode about Queen Bees–as you and another reader gently pointed out. I think sometimes I’ve fallen into the trap of expecting women to be better than men . . . I appreciate your comments, as always!

    2. Johanna Avatar
      Johanna

      Yes, there definitely are queen bees! I have seen them in families as well as work situations. Women are more likely to be tuned into the emotions and drama around them and can let that affect them for good and bad. But men have their faults also. I have known several men who are overbearing “kings”.

    3. Ellen Shriner Avatar

      Thanks for adding your perspective. Women’s tactics often are more sly, harder to address directly, hence their power. I think I’ve been sheltered from queen bees because while I was freelancing, I wasn’t part of corporate life. I didn’t mean to discount the damage queen bees do, but I hope they are the minority. When I think of the women I count as friends, I know all of them would gladly mentor other women.

    4. Cathy Madison Avatar
      Cathy Madison

      Queen Bees definitely exist, and they sting with abandon. Whether they rank above you or below you, they often operate in subtle ways, more by stonewalling and sabotaging than by direct confrontation. It’s as if they resent any success you might enjoy and must nip it in the bud, rather than seeing your path as possibly paving the way for their own. While I have also dealt with harassing men, they were focused on their own careers and unconcerned with mine. The women caused more trouble. That said, the helpers of both genders vastly outnumbered the hinderers. Male dominance in the workplace meant more male mentors.

  • IT’S A GOOD DAY WHEN I KICK SOMEONE IN THE HEAD

    Crystel, Antonio, Jody, Beth
    Crystel, Antonio, Jody, Beth

    I started Tae Kwon Do, at Kor Am Tae Kwon Do School when I was 50 years old. Yes, it was an age thing, time to do something new, challenge myself, and show the world that I’m really not all that old. For four years, I had been sitting with my back against the Do-Jang wall watching Antonio and Crystel progress through the belts. When they became black belts I decided to join.

    I told myself and others that it was to help keep the kids interested in Tae Kwon Do. Really, it was because I secretly wanted to join and it took turning 50 to gather the courage.

    Not that Antonio and Crystel didn’t liven up a bit when they watched me put on the stiff white uniform. Crystel got this sparkle in her eye. I knew I was in trouble then. Because they have a black belt, they outranked their mom. When they weren’t telling me what to do they were laughing. I always seemed to be a kick behind, a jump behind, a punch behind and pointed in a different direction than the other students. I thought I might be the first person who didn’t progress from a “no-belt” to a white belt.

    Crystel
    Crystel

    It was a source of pride for me when after five classes that white belt was placed around my midsection. At Kor Am Tae Kwon Do, the adults and children take classes together and I’m sure that my smile was just as wide as the five-year-old that started class at the same time as I did. And, I’m pretty sure he was already better than me.

    Antonio
    Antonio

    The exercise time that I spent running was now being eaten up by three to four classes a week at Tae Kwon Do. At first, I was disappointed. I wasn’t getting the same type of workout. Doing Tae Kwon Do, I wasn’t even sweating. I was such a klutz in class and had such a slow learning curve that it was a personal challenge just to show up and take my place at the back of the room.

    I persevered and started noticing benefits. With the twenty minutes or so of exercises that we did at the beginning of class I found that I was able to stretch my legs more than I had in years. I also felt more in tune with my body. We used so many muscles groups exercising that I knew myself better. So, even though, I was only running on the weekends, I felt like I was in better shape because I was just so much more aware of my whole body.

    Jody
    Jody

    Kihap (the yell that is shouted when practicing Tae Kwon Do) is the hardest thing for a new student to do. The yell often sounds like “Haaaa!” or “Ahoe!”  The kihap is designed to regulate breathing, and can be used to intimidate, distract, or startle your opponent which can cause the effect of “freezing” your opponent momentarily just prior to a strike. For me, I think of it as in terms of my personal statement. Me saying, “I’m here! Take notice of me! This is my space!” But even though, I’m not known to be shy, it took many classes for me to find my voice.

    I love that in Tae Kwon Do you are expected to be loud and defend yourself. I don’t know of any place else where you are not only given the right to defend yourself but it is expected. I used to be concerned that in a dangerous situation where there was a threat of being assaulted that I would lose my voice or become immobile. I don’t worry about that anymore. Tae Kwon Do has taught me what I can do.

    Role playing. I disarmed the bad guy.
    Role playing. I disarmed the bad guy.

    Sparring is my favorite discipline of Tae Kwon Do. I enjoy when I can kick a person in the head. That accomplishment hasn’t come without me being on the receiving end of a few black eyes, bloody noses and sore ribs. Still, there isn’t any quit in me.

    A part of the membership oath of Kor-Am Tae Kwon Do School is that we are united in mutual friendship. I feel a kinship with everyone from the youngest member to the oldest member, belt and age-wise.

    And especially with the people on whom I get to practice my strikes.

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    2 responses to “IT’S A GOOD DAY WHEN I KICK SOMEONE IN THE HEAD”

    1. Brenda Avatar
      Brenda

      Loved this. I took karate way back when and loved how empowering it was. You go, girl!

    2. bonnie gruberman Avatar
      bonnie gruberman

      When I took Tae Kwon Do, the spiritual aspect of philosophy and comportment was most interesting to me. I never liked getting bruised. The first day I broke a board I was on Cloud 9. Now I am not on Cloud 9, except when we kick butt in the air…:)

      Date: Thu, 21 Mar 2013 16:44:48 +0000 To: bonniegruberman@hotmail.com


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