• How I’m Overcoming my Resistance to Social Media—One Writer’s Insights

    As a writer, I am constantly torn between writing (which I actively enjoy) and marketing via social media (which inspires considerably less enthusiasm). Yet, if I want to discover more people who are interested in this blog and who might want to read my memoir one day, I need to make friends with strangers. Social media helps me do that. But what’s the right mix of social media activities? How do I keep up with my current friends while meeting new ones?

    Screen Shot 2014-02-21 at 10.20.25 AM

    By nature I’m a social person. I visit with a number of people—phone calls, lunches, dinners, book group, writers’ group. I enjoy our in-depth interactions immensely. I like the time spent on half-hour phone calls, two-hour meals, and conversations about books or writing. But the high-quality visits leave me with less time for social media.

    I know I should find more time to post on Facebook, Goodreads, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Instagram, or learning some new app—but when? As a reality check, I made a list of all the stuff I try to do every week. I impressed myself. Wow! I am busy. But so are a lot of people, yet they make time for social media. Certainly I can squeeze in a few more hours per week.

    Unfortunately, social media moves fast and needs daily or even hourly attention. Since I check Facebook only twice a week, Facebook assumes I don’t care enough, so these days, I only get updates about five people.

    Pinterest holds no interest and I’m way behind on Goodreads.

    Although I keep up with LinkedIn, until now, I’ve reserved that channel for the other side of my writing career—marketing communications.

    Performance anxiety has kept me from Twitter. Even though I write for a living, headlines and short text aren’t my strong suits. I write l o o o n n g text. How will I ever manage being clever and interesting in 140 characters?!? I am somewhat encouraged to discover that Joyce Carol Oates, who’s the epitome of a busy prolific writer, was also a reluctant tweeter.

    I’m glad to engage acquaintances intellectually. I’ve got a ton of opinions about politics, books, and life in general. I like learning new things and exchanging ideas—maybe that’s the key. Perhaps I need to think of Twitter as a playground of ideas, commentary, and 140-character conversations.

    After reviewing this inventory, I realize that like Dan Blank (a great resource for writers) maybe I need to focus—let go of a few social media options (Facebook, Pinterest) and concentrate more on others—start Twitter, give Goodreads another try, and introduce my business friends to my blog via LinkedIn.

    Please share your insights about social media—what do you like to do and why? What works for you?

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    4 responses to “How I’m Overcoming my Resistance to Social Media—One Writer’s Insights”

    1. Patrick Ross Avatar
      Patrick Ross

      Hi Ellen,

      You are wise in thinking you should start by focusing on one platform, ideally one that you find rewarding. Better to be the master of one than a servant to many. Or as Ron Swanson once said on Parks and Recreation, “Don’t do two things half-assed. Do one thing whole-assed.” (Sorry for the profanity, but if they can say it on broadcast television…)

      You reveal the true reason for your aversion in this post, however. The issue is not lack of time. You describe lengthy, in-person engagements with friends as “high-quality,” clearly suggesting that social media is “low-quality.” In addition, you say you should be doing it for marketing, which means it is a task involving real labor with amorphous returns. Perhaps you should rethink your approach. Perhaps you shouldn’t worry about “marketing.” Perhaps there are people out there online who are very much like the people you have two-hour dinners with, people with whom you could connect and engage in lengthy conversations and offerings of mutual support. But you won’t know unless you go out there. So I’d suggest you change your intentions. Don’t worry about your platform or marketing; just go explore and look for opportunities to engage in “high-quality” conversations.

      Patrick

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Thanks for the insights, Patrick. You’ve given me a new way to think about social media.

    2. Eliza Waters Avatar

      I try to balance things based on staying happy and engaged. When it becomes work that doesn’t feel good, I switch off and go for a walk. It always renews me. I started blogging clueless as to how much time I would spend building relationships, but that has turned out to be the blessing in the whole process. I truly enjoy encouraging and praising others’ efforts and find I care about these long-distance friends. I’m okay with slowly building a solid foundation.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        I like how you think about building relationships via blogging–glad I met you! Thanks for the support.

  • What Makes For A Strong Family?

    Richfield Dual Language School fiesta. Playing games on McGruff.
    Richfield Dual Language School fiesta. Playing games on McGruff.

    I think about this a lot since my children will be starting middle school next year. Middle school means 900 students in three grades compared to 400 students in five grades at Richfield Dual Language School.

    Middle school means dances, parties, old and new friends.

    Middle school means more access to social media.

    Middle school means I’m just outside of my parent’s reach.

    Guatemala
    Guatemala

    Or, does it?

    A strong family is in my mind because I want my children in my circle of influence. I don’t want them to make choices that have no do-over.

    So, how to keep them close?

    A lot of people believe that eating dinner together every evening or even several times a week is vital. That isn’t going to happen in our family. Jody and I often don’t eat dinner in the evening, although we make sure our children and their friends are well fed.

    One constant in our life is putting the kids to bed. We take turns with them, as we have since they were infants. This of course, will become less practical as they get older.

    I don’t want Antonio and Crystel to be lost in middle and high school like I was. I want them to be able to ask me for help without rebuke and even to bring their friends’ concerns to me if need be. I want to be accessible.

    Boundary Waters
    Boundary Waters

    To this end, I’ve done a good job, even though at every school conference this year Jody and I’ve been surprised. The children take turns with who is having ‘issues.’I tell my kids that they couldn’t ever do anything worse than I did in school and that is the truth. The difference is the world is a much more dangerous place and a lot less forgiving than it was 44 years ago.

    Tae Kwon Do
    Tae Kwon Do

    Having a strong family means having strong relationships within the family. It’s very important to me that Antonio and Crystel are friends. Sometimes, I still remind them that we adopted them together so they would always have each other.

    Mondays have become our family Tae Kwon Do day. It is our sit down dinner. Antonio, Crystel, Jody and I are black belts. We have had many meals together the last several years. Our testing day is a banquet.

    Once in a while we have game night, and when Amazing Race is on television, we all gather around imagining Mama Beth and Mama Jody as contenders.

    Loft Mentor Series
    Loft Mentor Series

    Out of all that we do, I think it is our adventures that keep us strong. Doing new and different activities or eating meals in new restaurants. Since I won the Loft Mentor Series, we’ve been attending the readings as a family and eating out at a new restaurant prior to the reading.

    And then there are our more adventurous trips which go a long ways toward bonding us as a family—camping in the Boundary Waters, visiting Guatemala, taking a train to Chicago, Mexico, driving to Arkansas, Florida, and cross country skiing in Wisconsin.

    Mexico
    Mexico

    Sharing the above with family and friends also tightens the bond.

    A strong family can mean many things. Tonight a strong family means no electronics and no friends over until all MIS (missing homework) on a fifth grader’s conference report are replaced with a grade.

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  • Why I’m Done Deferring Joy

    Recently, I’ve decided that I’m done “saving it for good.” Nothing’s too good to use. Nothing’s too good to wear. 

    Mimmie's lemonade set
    Mimmie’s lemonade set

    When Mimmie (my father’s mother) died, I received her handpainted Nipon lemonade set. She’d promised it to me because I’d admired it for years. I also received Grandma’s (my mother’s mother) crystal goblets after Grandma died. I am pleased to own both sets—they are part of my heritage and they remind me of women I love. For 30 years, I’ve “saved them for good,” dusting them but rarely using them.

    I also have dresses, blouses, and a suit I’ve saved for good, which means I rarely wear them. Too often, the clothes are too small or out of style before I need them again. I wind up giving them away—which is OK, maybe someone else can use them—but why didn’t I use them?

    I don’t know whether or not “saving it for good” is a generational phenomenon. As a Baby Boomer whose parents experienced the Great Depression, I was taught that it was important to hang on to and care for the things you had, because somebody worked hard to get them, and you might not to be able to replace them if they got ruined. But somewhere along the line that practical impulse got subverted.

    My special things began to assume too much importance—they had to be protected in glass breakfronts, handwashed and dried, and only admired occasionally. That’s the impulse I’m rejecting. My sons never knew my grandmothers, so the meaning and memories go when I go. If the lemonade cups get chipped, so be it. They are meant to be used and enjoyed, not wind up in an estate sale. I will think of Mimmie and Grandma more often if I use their things regularly than if the items stay in my cupboard.

    Grandma's goblets
    Grandma’s goblets

    I’m also rejecting the idea of deferring joy—that there’s some bigger better moment in the future—some truly important occasion when I should dress up or use crystal. That’s akin to waiting until retirement to travel and then having a heart attack or some other debilitating illness and not being able to go.

    Instead, I’m choosing to live in the moment more—I’m not saving for a rainy day or waiting for the right time. Well, OK, I’m still saving money because, if heredity is any guide, I’m going to live a long time. But I’m spending more joy right now.

    So I’ll use Mimmie’s cups to drink iced tea and sip cabernet from Grandma’s goblets. And when I show up at work in a dress or suit, my coworkers can wonder if I have a job interview, but you’ll know the real story!

    Do you save anything for good? How do you seize the day and spend more joy right now?

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    6 responses to “Why I’m Done Deferring Joy”

    1. Pat Exarhos Avatar
      Pat Exarhos

      Great advice. And, hopefully, by us using these treasures, our children will be more interested in using them someday…WAAAY in the future…when we are gone.

    2. Johanna Avatar
      Johanna

      I agree. Things should be enjoyed and not just stored. Too bad I cannot find some of my good stuff!

    3. Eliza Waters Avatar

      Great post, thanks! I say yes, let’s use “the good stuff” every day – joy lives only in the present moment.

    4. Jenny F Avatar

      I couldn’t agree more! We have gobs and gobs of china sitting prettily in cabinets, never getting used. I pull them out for special occasions, about once or twice a year.

      When we are old and ready to hand off things to our children, do you think they will want the china that sat in the corner cabinets, untouched? No, they will want the chipped, cracked daily dishes that we used when they were growing up, because that’s what will remind them of home. In the same way, my sister’s most prized possession is the plateware she got from my grandma because it was her self-described “cheap” set that she used at the cabin where we vacationed every summer. Grandma never understood why Kristi asked for that set and not the china which had been handed down from her own mother but which we had never used. We hold on to things not because they are things but because they invoke memories.

      A good read. Thank you.

    5. valleygrail Avatar

      I so agree with you. We have today; let’s celebrate!

    6. Cindy Maxa Avatar
      Cindy Maxa

      Love, love, love the lemonade set. Yes, use it everyday even if you only drink water out of a cup in the morning. You are so right when you say you will think of these special women more often if you are using these pieces. I totally get the Depression Era mentality. I’m still fighting it too.

      This week we unexpectedly lost a very good friend who had just turned 70 and even though he had money, he was concerned about not spending too much because his parents lived to a ripe old age. We assumed he would too. So shocking. So living in the moment and appreciating life and lemonade cups are of the utmost importance.

      Thanks for the joy of a good read.


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