• When Differences Become Normal

    Guatemalan women washing clothes at a creek.
    Guatemalan women washing clothes at a creek.

    By far, my most cherished moments in my recent trip to Guatemala were observing my children’s happiness. Seeing them smile, listening to their laughter, and seeing how at ease they were in their own skin.

    This was our fourth trip back to their birth country. Our first trip was June of 2010 when they were 7. Sitting high on our horses, we walked through villages put together with sheets of tin, boards, paper, and straw. The front and back yards were dirt. Hoses were strung and used for bathing children in a tub. To the dismay of Juan and Crystel, I waved and hollered, “Hola.” They shushed me. “People live there,” I’d say in reply pointing to another shelter. “We know. Ssssh.”

    On that first trip, every time I saw a boy with a load of wood on his back, walking barefoot, or planting in the field, I wanted to poke Juan and  Crystel. Wake them up to make sure they didn’t miss what I was seeing. The importance of it all. The women carrying heavy baskets on their head, the girls with a baby or small child strapped to their back, meat hanging in the open market, the bright orange lava flowing down the side of Volcano Pacaya.

    A man carrying boards up a trail to the next village.
    A man carrying boards up a trail to the next village.

    They seemed to want to run away from the sights.

    We were all startled. On our return to the United States, the four of us would have kissed the ground under the Welcome to Houston sign if we weren’t running north as quickly as we could.

    Two years later when they were nine, we returned to Guatemala to meet Juan and Crystel’s birth families and to travel to Lake Atitlan.

    At Lake Atitlan we had young Guatemalan men as guides.

    Knowledgeable about their country and heritage, they answered our questions and shared their stories. It was with Juan and Crystel, that they had a different purpose—to show them that they should be proud to be Guatemalan.

    IMG_0518 (1)During this fourth trip, I was even more aware of the relationship that our guide, Alex, had with Juan and Crystel. He had endeared himself to them as well as to Jody and me. He welcomed us and our friends, Pat and Mary, into his home. His family took a day trip with us to Hot Springs Fuenta Georginas, outside of the Mayan Village of Zunil, Guatemala. By sharing his family, his wife and two children, he provided us all with another experience—being around a Guatemalan family in Guatemala and seeing him as a loving father.

    Our trips changed me. I no longer felt as if I needed to elbow the children.

    This time, I heard Juan say, “Did you see that boy with the three cement blocks?” The Guatemalan boy had stopped to take a rest. The blocks must have matched his weight.

    Crystel poked me and held out a fresh sprig of basil for me to smell.

    Bringing home firewood for cooking.
    Bringing home firewood for cooking.

    I can still surprise my children. I gave a loud two handed whistle and hollered to let our friends know that the public boat we were on was coming to their dock. I surprised the other Guatemalans as well. This time instead of being shushed, Crystel told me that I needed to teach her how to whistle like that.

    My experience is that when difference becomes normal the world is pretty darn awesome.

    Thanks to Nancy Hoffman of Guatemala Reservations for introducing my family to Lee and Elaine Beal. We have stayed at Los Elementos Adventure Center on Santa Cruz la Laguna on our last 3 trips to Lake Atitlan. Juan and Crystel would have it no other way. Thanks to the Beal’s for training guides like Alex Vincente Lopez for us who come to learn the heritage of Guatemalans and to see the beauty of the country.

    ,

    3 responses to “When Differences Become Normal”

    1. ron877 Avatar

      Beautiful, I was moved to reflect on my childrens’ return to , and appreciation for, the culture of their first, and birth country, Vietnam.

    2. 17teamo Avatar
      17teamo

      mis siceros agradecimiento a Elizabet end jori juanito y crystella gatita feliz

    3. bbachel Avatar

      What a timely post. Perhaps we can find a way for our differences to become normal, even here in the Twin Cities.

  • Disconnected and Discombobulated

    I scoffed when I read about college students becoming anxious when separated from digital technology—email, Facebook, and other social media. Or rather, I believed they became anxious, but thought smugly, Glad I’m not hooked like they are.

    Except that now I am.

    Recently, I was camping at a state campground that didn’t have cell signal. At all. Although we were only about 30 miles from Rochester, Minnesota, we were in the land that time and technology forgot. At first I was delighted. No New York Times news flashes or Facebook posts reminding me of depressing political news. I wasn’t expecting any urgent emails.

    Being disconnected felt a bit odd, but I knew my friends would understand if I didn’t respond to their texts or emails promptly.

    Not having instant access to the weather app was OK. I didn’t really need to know exactly how cold it would get at night. 55 degrees or 50 degrees—what’s the difference? Either way, we’d have a fire and then burrow into our sleeping bags at bedtime.

    But what if my 90-year-old mother-in-law had a health issue? Would my sons be able to track us down? If one of our sons got seriously ill, how would they contact us? Since they’re in their 20’s, that’s usually not a big concern, but one of them had had a significant health problem a few weeks ago, so the possibility seemed more real.

    You see where all this was going—good ole free floating anxiety racheted up by lack of connectivity. Wow.

    Several times I had to tell myself to knock it off. Everyone was fine. Despite knowing that, I still tried to fire up my phone when we visited the park office. No signal.

    For years I’ve had the constant chatter: texts, email, and commentary from Facebook, Twitter, and blogs, so it took a while to get used to the sound of my own thoughts. Or no thoughts whatsoever.

    At first I had to concentrate on being in the moment. Resist the urge to curate my experiences. Just live them. I noticed the lavender and white phlox blooming in the meadow we were hiking through, heard the wind in the trees and the creek murmuring behind our campsite, and squinted at the zillions of stars you can see out in the country.

    I hate admitting that being disconnected made me anxious. But instant access has become too gratifying. The more I’ve gotten used to it, the more I want it. When I hear the ding of a new email or text hitting my phone, I’ve got to know who it’s from. It’s obsessive. As reinforcing as treats would be to Pavlov’s dogs.

    Who's the text from? 15 emails?! OMG!
    Who’s the text from? 15 emails?! OMG!

    Technology is supposed to be a helpful tool, subservient to me, not my master. I don’t want to feel so controlled by it.

    How did I get to be at the beck and call of this device? I let the lure of instant access get to me.

    So I’ve decided to try disconnecting intentionally one day a week, as an experiment.

    On those days, I’ll use my phone for calls, but otherwise avoid checking emails, weather apps, maps, Facebook, Snapchat, and the New York Times news feed. Fasting from email, apps, and social media will be hard—after all, the first thing I did after we packed up and drove away was check email. 56 of them had piled up in three days. Most of them weren’t that important, which reinforces my decision to go offline periodically.

    It’s so easy to be caught up in the bizzyness of the internet and social media. I want to rediscover what else I can do with my time.

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    7 responses to “Disconnected and Discombobulated”

    1. bbachel Avatar

      Thx for encouraging me to be more thoughtful re: my own phone use. I have been doing my best to not talk or check messages while in the car (even when downtown construction has me stopping at every light), but there’s still plenty of room for improvement.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        The ironic thing is that I will still have to check my calendar which is on the phone in order to remember that’s the day I’m ignoring my phone!!

    2. Jan Wenker Avatar
      Jan Wenker

      I hear you Ellen. Have been in the same situation and it was very stressful. It surprised me because I did not consider myself hooked either…….

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Crazy how these phone have snuck into our lives!

    3. Eliza Waters Avatar

      Good post, Ellen. It is hard to unplug these days. I feel guilty if I have internet-free days (some days I am too busy gardening or doing things that take me away from my laptop and I don’t own a mobile phone -shocking, I know). I get THAT look from people (like I’m from Mars) when I say I haven’t looked at gmail in 2 or 3 days. Either they don’t believe me or they think I’m avoiding them. There is an expectation that you will instantly receive their email (ping!) and frustration if you don’t respond within a few hours.
      This technology definitely does make us anxious!

      1. Ellen ShrinerElle Avatar

        Isn’t it weird how people trying to contact us assume something bad (you’re avoiding them) instead of you’re busy having fun? BTW, i got a Nellie Moser and an alpina Blue Dancer clematis–one of them’s got to take! If not, I’ll give up and paint a mural of flowers on that ugly garage! 😉

        1. Eliza Waters Avatar

          Oh, nice! I hope they do well for you. 🙂

  • Two Moms, A Sister, and a Boy Scout

    Taking the dental supplies to the clinic through the streets of Anitqua, Guatemala
    Taking the dental supplies to the clinic through the streets of Antiqua

    When Juan Jose was ten, he was dumped in the Brule River not once, but twice when I was at the helm of our canoe. Without help from strangers, we would not have made it to the landing.

    He’s almost 14, and he recently completed a comprehensive water-based safety course that involved practicing self-rescue and rescuing other kayakers with his Boy Scout troop in Lake Superior. These are necessary skills for the wilderness cold water kayaking that he’ll be doing in Alaska with the Scouts this August.

    Juan didn’t join Scouts to learn how to navigate water. He joined Scouts to learn what his two moms and sister couldn’t teach him.

    I became a Cub Scout leader by default. He wouldn’t let me drop him off while I ran errands for an hour.

    Dentist Hugo, Juan Jose, Hygenist
    Dentist Hugo, Juan Jose, Hygienist

    When it was time for him to cross over to Boy Scouts, he decided to stay in scouting. This surprised me. I was preparing myself for a free evening. Instead, I trained to be an assistant Boy Scout leader. He still wasn’t ready for a parent to drop and run.

    Juan was pulling away from me though. I no longer went to all of his campouts. When I did go, he was caught up in the flow of scouts running from one event to another.

    Today, he completed his Eagle Scout project in Guatemala. He raised funds for children to receive dental care, and he collected over 130 lbs. of toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss and dental supplies .

    Juan gave the children sunglasses so they wouldn't be blinded by the light. That's how it is done at his dentist in Richfield.
    Juan gave the children sunglasses so they wouldn’t be blinded by the light. That’s how it is done at his dentist in Richfield.

    The money he raised enabled 14 dental cleanings, 34 extractions, 31 fillings, and 28 sealants. Care that these children would not have received otherwise.

    He gave one suitcase of dental supplies to the dentist and a suitcase of toothbrushes, toothpaste, and floss to De Familia a Familia. This organization is a link between birth and adoptive families. They have over 260 families that they are currently working with.

    Juan couldn’t have done this project without help from relatives, friends, neighbors, and strangers.

    And, his two moms and sister.

    Six teeth extracted and a dental cleaning.
    Six teeth extracted and a dental cleaning.

    Because of all of us, he’s learned to navigate waters and to pull himself back into his kayak.

    Thank you.

    ,

    2 responses to “Two Moms, A Sister, and a Boy Scout”

    1. Kevin Avatar

      As a Boy Scout Troop Leader and Eagle Scout, I want to say “congratulations” to your son! He earned it and what a great project! (My son is also an Eagle Scout and we always enjoy hearing about different projects).

    2. Bev Bachel Avatar
      Bev Bachel

      What a great story. Thanks for sharing it. I’m passing it on my to my Boy Scout friend who is still trying to come up with his Eagle Scout project.


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