• Packing Your Teenager

    Juan took this rainbow photo in Alaska
    Photo by Juan Jose’

    I thought I had Juan packed for life.

    In his backpack were all the essentials for his Boy Scout trip to Alaska. He would be Denali hiking and animal watching, Kesugi Ridge backpacking, whitewater rafting, glacier exploring, salmon fishing, sea kayaking and camping by the Columbia glacier.

    Inside his internal frame pack, Juan had base and middle layers for upper and lower. He had all the must haves: whistle, bowl, spork, insect repellant and water bottle. I even made sure that he had the optional items: foot powder, matches/lighter, compass, and pocket knife.

    Of course, Juan helped pack. He picked out his stocking cap and gloves, sleeping bag, tent, and sleeping pad and all of the items that went into his backpack.  I was along as his advisor.

    Photo by Juan
    Photo by Juan Jose’

    Juan would be gone for 12 days. His emancipation from his parents, I thought. And, to that end, Jody and I didn’t initiate contact while he was gone. Of course, this was also made easy because he was out of cell range.

    There were times while he was gone that I felt smug. I had followed the packing list to a tee even though I’m not one to follow rules. I had helped him bag his items into gallon Ziploc bags so he would be organized and his clothes dry.

    This packing had gone so well that I was starting to feel that this is all one had to do for their teenager.

    Follow a list, not do the work for him but with him, and then drive him to the airport.

    Photo by Juan Jose'
    Photo by Juan Jose’

    Now it was up to him to dress to stay warm … or not. To stay dry … or not. To brush his teeth … or not. He had all the essentials. He would make the decisions.

    I figured when he came home we could follow this pattern in his teen years. Give him the information he needed—like a packing list for life—and then let him decide what to do.

    That was until Jody told me that being cold in Alaska … or not and being dry … or not, didn’t equate to other decisions that he’d have to make as a teenager. That those decisions could have a life-long effect.

    Juan Jose' Antonio Sol di Grazia
    photo by Juan Jose’

    I thought about my teenage years and realized she was right. I was pregnant at age 14 and 15. Juan could have a room full of packing lists, all the guidance in the world from friends, teachers and parents, and still make decisions that could alter the course of his life.

    Even so, all there was to do when I saw him at the airport was hug him tight and welcome him home.

    We’d be walking these years together.

     

    2 responses to “Packing Your Teenager”

    1. ron877 Avatar

      An eloquent way to say “Let go.”

    2. Eliza Waters Avatar

      Wow, what a great experience for Juan (and you two)! His photos are terrific.

  • Celebrating Retirement

    Last week I celebrated one year of retirement. “Celebrated” is a key word. While I was happy to retire last August, I felt a little undercurrent of worry—I didn’t exactly have a plan. For many people, not having a plan sounds like what retirement is all about. But to me, making such a major and irreversible move called for a blueprint. As in what I am I going to do for the rest of my life? Which suddenly seemed more finite.

    Retirement is an Identity Change

    Retirement is a major identity shift akin to starting a career, marrying a spouse, or becoming a parent. You see yourself differently. A wise friend advised that it might take up to a year to figure out retirement, and it has.

    Who Am I Without My Profession?

    Americans often identify with our professions. I have worked since I was 16, and I babysat before that, so paid work has been part of my life since I was 11. I went to some effort (getting a graduate degree, moving across the country three times) to launch my career—first as a teacher and then as a copywriter. In 1979, when I started teaching college full-time, the working world wasn’t welcoming to women, and I had to fight to belong. By the time I started copywriting five years later, I had toughened up and the workplace was less openly antagonistic. My early experiences shaped me, and having a career became an integral part of who I am.

    My other roles—wife, mother, sister, and friend—have remained constant in retirement. But last August I wondered, “What does it mean to let go of the career I worked so hard to have? What happens to all the experience and skills I’ve gained?” Today, the answer is that I’m still a writer—an essayist and blogger, and I volunteer as a marketing communications copywriter.

    Me in retirement--just kidding--it's Rose Totino
    Me in retirement–just kidding!

    That’s how I see myself, but early on when I mentioned my new status, I learned that the word “retiree” conjures up someone who’s out-of-touch and lives for coupons. Now when I meet people, I simply describe the work I do.Ellen in Hawaii

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    People Openly Wonder, “What do you do all day?”

    It’s a legitimate question. A year ago, I too wondered how to create a life that is fulfilling and fun. What exactly was I going to do with my time? The answer is more of everything I did before. I sleep half-an-hour longer. Most days, I walk for an hour because now exercising doesn’t have to be a trade-off (i.e., either I exercise or I have fun).

    Housework, cooking, and grocery shopping still exist in retirement. I’m determined not to become obsessive about any of that, but now I might take an extra five minutes to dry the pots and pans after I wash them instead of letting them air dry as I did before. Why not? I have time.

    Camping in WI
    Camping in WI

    Today, I read, write, travel, socialize, and volunteer more. Probably the main difference is that now I have more time to explore or learn new things in classes at the University of Minnesota, the Loft, or community education.

    I wasn’t planning to retire last August at 61; I expected to work two-and-a-half more years. However, when a stroke of luck gave me the opportunity to leave early, I did. I am very grateful to be retired now. Eventually old age will find me. But for now I’m enjoying the gift of retirement. I want to use my time well.

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    7 responses to “Celebrating Retirement”

    1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

      It IS really hard to be so ready for the next stage while being stuck in the current one. I sympathize. I got really tired of the fire drill projects at work and found it hard to be cheerful and rise to the occasion. Hang in there!

    2. oneyeartoretirement Avatar

      I enjoyed reading about how you stepped into retirement and I’m glad you did so earlier than expected. My wife and I are planning on retiring from our teaching professions after this school year; mine of 42 years. This is my last year and I’m logging my thoughts at oneyeartoretirement.wordpress.com. Best of luck, and stay young!

    3. bbachel Avatar

      I am so happy for you and consider you such a wonderful role model. And seeing you and all the changes you’ve made give me hope that I truly can follow in your footsteps…ideally sooner rather than later.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Thank you! Your support always inspires ME. You’re such a creative person that I can’t wait to see what the next phase of your life looks like.

        1. bbachel Avatar
          bbachel

          I am in and out of town a lot through Tgiving (imagine you are at least some) but let’s make a point of getting together before the year ends.

    4. Ellen Shriner Avatar

      Thank you for reading! “Year of self-discovery” is right. You’d think retirement would be nothing but sweetness and light, but it is also a transition, and truth be told, it’s taken me a while to figure it out. But I know I’m extremely lucky to have this time–I’m trying to use it well!

    5. Susanne Avatar

      Envious. Awfully envious. I am at least 4 years away from retirement and living with my spouse who has been retired for a year – like you. He had no trouble adjusting but I am having such a severe case of retirement envy I have had some counselling. Sigh. Your year of self-discovery sounds wonderful and I wish you a long and happy retirement adventure doing nothing or doing everything.

  • You Are Invited! Finding Your Bones: Speaking the Truth with Prose, Poetry, and Spoken Word

    405September 30th, 7pm at Loft Literary Center, 1011 S Washington Ave, Minneapolis, MN

    Celebrate the publication of House of Fire: A Story of Love, Courage, and Transformation, a touching and provocative memoir from author, educator, and incest survivor Elizabeth di Grazia. Elizabeth will be joined by award-winning writers Christine Stark, R. Vincent Muniz Jr., and Keno Evol for a powerful evening of stories of survival, transformational poetry, and bare bones honesty. A wine and appetizer book signing reception will follow the readings.

    Participant Bios

    Elizabeth di Grazia is the author of House of Fire: A Story of Love, Courage, and Transformation, a memoir about her triumph over neglect, incest, and childhood trauma. Recipient of a Jerome Travel and Study Grant and participant in the Minnesota Loft Mentor Series, she is a founder of WordSisters, a shared blog (wordsisters.wordpress.com). Her work has been anthologized in Illness and Grace/Terror and Transformation and Families: Front Line of Pluralism. She has published prose in Adoptive Families Magazine, Minnesota Parent, Adagio Verse Quarterly, Edge Life, and elsewhere.

    Christine Stark

    Writer, visual artist, and organizer, Christine Stark’s first novel, Nickels: A Tale of Dissociation, was a Lambda Literary Award finalist. Her writing has appeared in periodicals and books, including Chalk Circle: Intercultural Prize-Winning Essays; When We Become Weavers: Queer Female Poets on the Midwestern Experience; The Florida Review, and many others. A Loft Mentor Series winner, Chris is currently completing her second novel and conducting research for a non-fiction book.

    Keno Evol

    Keno Evol is a blogger for Revolution News, an international group of independent journalists, photographers, artists, translators, and activists reporting on international news with a focus on human rights. Poet, essayist, spoken word performer, and educator, Keno is the board chair of the Youth Advisory Board for TruArtSpeaks ,a nonprofit dedicated to cultivating literacy, leadership and social justice through Hip Hop. His work has been published in Poetry Behind the Walls, Gazillion Voices Magazine, Black Girl In Om, and elsewhere.

    Vincent Moniz Jr

    An active force in the Twin Cities artistic community, R. Vincent Moniz Jr. has received numerous literary awards and fellowships for his writing and live performances. Reigning champion for the Two River Memorial Indigenous Spoken Word SLAM World competition, he has performed spoken word at Equilibrium: Spoken Word at the Loft, Intermedia Arts, Pangea World Theater, and elsewhere. An enrolled citizen of the Three Affiliated Tribes located within North Dakota on Ft. Berthold Indian Reservation, he was raised in the Phillips neighborhood of South Minneapolis.

    I HOPE YOU CAN JOIN US!

    Other events coming up are Barnes and Noble, Maple Grove book signing on August 13th, 1-3pm, and with Su Smallen at Hamline University, Kay Fredericks Ballroom, October 21, 7pm.

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