• Enduring Friendships

    Enduring Friendships

    web-natcheztrl-e1450370163848124 years ago, I was biking alone on a Klobuchar bicycle trip. Beginning in 1974, Jim Klobuchar, the former Star Tribune columnist led annual, weeklong Jaunt With Jim rides throughout the state of Minnesota. It was 1992, and I often was in the habit of doing something new. I picked adventures even though I wouldn’t know anyone. I often felt as if I was making up for my lost childhood, teenage-hood, and early adulthood. In my twenties and thirties, I was ready to tear up the world. Do what I want. If an adventure piqued my interest, I’d ask myself, “Will I regret it if I don’t do it?” If the answer was yes, I was on to my next adventure.

    I met the two men in an abandoned town on a Sunday afternoon. It was a picture out of an old western movie. Two men riding into a dusty quiet town on their bikes, while the damsel was sitting on bench eating lunch.

    I overheard them lamenting about the lack of . . . anything. They were hungry.

    “I have food,” I said. I always had food. It didn’t matter where I was going, I was sure to have food. When you are one of twelve children, you pack a lunch. “I’ll share what I have,” I added.

    Out came the trail mix, the crackers, and the sausage. I even had dessert.

    Galen told me he was a school teacher. I would meet Bonnie, another of his school teacher friends later in the ride.

    Galen and Bonnie invited me to bike the Natchez Trace, a historic forest trail which extends from Natchez, Mississippi to Nashville, Tennessee. I met George on that trip. Together we biked in Glacier National Park and the historic Sun Road. That was Jody’s first trip with us.

    Last year, Jody and I went to George’s funeral. He was 86 years old.

    Klobuchar said, “Friendships developed that are still alive. That’s really my biggest satisfaction — bringing people together and sharing the road together.”

    Gary Lund
    Gary Lund

    Gary Lund and I are very much in that category. 24 years later, we continue to email almost daily. He remembers our first meeting, saying it was the most miserable bike riding day of his life. It was a ride from Litchfield to Montevideo. Rainy, cold, and wet. He noticed me at the lunch break in Wilmar where we were both freezing, trying to figure out how to dry off and warm up.

    Later that day he would see me in the ditch with a flat tire. He asked if I wanted help. I quickly tossed him my tube. We were together off and on for the rest of that week. When I wasn’t with him, I was with Bonnie and Galen, stopping in cafés and waiting out the rainstorms.

    Gary was a front of the pack guy. I was grateful for his friendship. He was there to patch me up when I took a spill. Then he took a spill and I patched him up. We laughed lots. Talked lots. Never about politics or religion. There was no need. Our friendship wasn’t based on that. It was based on sharing food with people who were hungry. It was based on sharing our lives although they were different.

    My life is fuller because of these people. I’m grateful our friendship has endured time and differences.

    I imagine that they are reading my WordSisters column now. Thank you, friends.

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    7 responses to “Enduring Friendships”

    1. Ann Coleman Avatar

      What a beautiful post about what really matters in life! Thank you!

    2. Susanne Avatar

      Do you still have adventures, Elizabeth?

      1. Elizabeth di Grazia Avatar
        Elizabeth di Grazia

        Oh, yes. Life is most interesting with adventures. They are a must have. Trips to Guatemala, bungee jumping, cliff jumping, Segway rides, jumping from a plane, etc…. Coming up in March is an Air Boat in Florida with the family and traveling to Anna Maria Island in Florida to visit a friend. In July, traveling to South Dakota. New places, new friends to meet.

        1. Susanne Avatar

          Wonderful! I like the sound of the air boat trip but not so much the bungee jumping or jumping from a plane. I’m having a big adventure starting tomorrow, doing something so out of the box for me I’m quite nervous. But your post was a timely read!

        2. Elizabeth di Grazia Avatar
          Elizabeth di Grazia

          Adventuring comes in all shapes. Lately it’s been closing my eyes while I aqua jog in the pool at the YMCA. Fortunately, I have on a waist flotation belt, I’m in my own lane, and there’s a lifeguard. It all works.

    3. Elizabeth di Grazia Avatar
      Elizabeth di Grazia

      Thanks for reading, Valorie. It’s amazing the friendships that withstand time.

    4. Valorie Grace Hallinan Avatar

      What a great story! Thank you!

  • Mom’s Inspiration

    For years, my mom had a clipping stuck on her refrigerator with a magnet.

    moms-resolution

    Although it was in a semi-public place, the clipping was a private message for her, not a directive for the family and friends who might see it.

    Mom knew she’d be in and out of the refrigerator numerous times a day. She probably hoped that by putting the clipping right there she’d be forced to notice it. At least once a day, she’d really see the words and be reminded of her intentions. Every day, she could rededicate herself to the effort of becoming her best self.

    As a visitor, I saw it often but never thought too hard about it. They were her goals, not mine, and Mom wasn’t in the habit of preaching about her values or goals.

    But when the clipping turned up in a box of Mom’s things that my sister had saved, I realized how much her example has influenced me. I, too, regularly rededicate myself to the effort of being my better self.

    I make New Year’s resolutions (often the same ones about health and writing – they’re still good, because I frequently stray from my goals). Throughout the year, I also take stock and evaluate whether or not I’m living the life I want to live. For example, I might ask myself: Am I too bizzy with household tasks that don’t matter? Am I letting other people’s agendas overtake my own? Can I be more tolerant and easygoing and let go of irritation faster? Am I pushing myself creatively? And more.

    My refrigerator is bare. Unlike Mom, I keep my resolutions and inspirations in journals or in the Notes app on my phone where I see them often. When I reread my intentions, I’m pleased to see that I’ve followed through on some. Others, not so much. But I’m easy with myself – effort counts. I’m a work in progress and I just need to keep trying.

    Mom’s clipping lists five goals. I love that she circled the two that were most meaningful to her. As her daughter, I can tell you that most days, she nailed them.

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    9 responses to “Mom’s Inspiration”

    1. Evangeline Avatar

      What a beautiful tribute to your mom! I love these reminders and need them myself! I love how the “enemies” were hurry and indecision. Both of those hinder me so many in any given day. I, too, have journals scattered all about my home with notes, Bible verses and inspiring quotes in them; little reminders of my goals. Thanks for sharing!

    2. bbachel Avatar
      bbachel

      Reading this made me wish I’d had the opportunity to meet your mom. It also reminded me of my mom. She died in 2000 and I still have an envelope of newspaper articles she clipped and sent to me over the years. I was thinking about tossing the file into recycling, but I’ve decided to hang on to it a bit longer thanks to your post.

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Our moms were of the generation that clipped items from the paper, but we read blogs and other social media! Your Mom’s clippings are a treasure–insight into what she thought and believed.

    3. Kim Gorman Avatar

      What wonderful words of wisdom and inspiration! Thanks for sharing, Ellen!

    4. Eliza Waters Avatar

      I have clippings and quotes all over the house, esp. the bathroom. Which often evoke a comment from a visitor upon emerging. 😉

    5. Ann Coleman Avatar

      I’ve seen those quotes before, and I think they are certainly worth following. I can understand why your mom kept them on her fridge, easy to see and remember. My own mother has a magnet that says something along the line of today being a new beginning. I rather like that one, too!

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Yes! I like believing that you can start anew every day.

    6. Beth Avatar

      Good morning! Thank you for your WordSisters post. I believe the clipping is either a direct quote or a derivative from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is filed with good advice for living well. –Beth

      1. Ellen Shriner Avatar

        Huh. I didn’t know that — you’re right — good advice.

  • Be Safe. Don’t Die.

    img_1806Be Safe. Don’t Die.

    I was half way out the door when I heard, “Be safe. Don’t die.” It was Crystel’s voice. I cringed. She was 12-years-old. I thought of turning around to tell her not to say that. That it would be ‘nicer’ to say, “I love you.”

    I paused. She was sincere. I didn’t say anything.

    Instead, I asked myself backing out of the driveway, “Why am I uncomfortable? That it’s true? That at any moment I could die, be in a car accident, be shot in an airport, or fall on the Minnesota ice?”

    Be safe, don’t die, has all the realness one can ask for in an adieu. It means, “I want to see you again. It means, don’t leave me. It means, I want you to come home.”

    Jody remembers that it was after Crystel saw the movie, “If I Stay,” that she started saying, “Be Safe, Don’t Die.”

    img_1808It was as if she understood that death happens. That people could leave their home and their life could forever be altered.

    In the movie, life changes in an instant for Mia after a car accident puts her in a coma. During an out-of-body experience, she must decide whether to wake up and live a life far different than she had imagined. The choice is hers if she can go on.

    Crystel is 14 now. She’s still telling me and her other family members to be safe and not to die. I find this comforting. She wants me around. She doesn’t want me to disappear from her earth. “Be safe. Don’t die,” has all the fondness of an “I love you.”

    Now, Jody and I also tell her, “Be safe. Don’t die.” Our way of telling her that we love her.

    , ,

    3 responses to “Be Safe. Don’t Die.”

    1. Ann Coleman Avatar

      You’re right: it sounds a bit morbid at first, but if you pay attention to the actual message, “Be safe, don’t die” is actually very sweet! I remember when my own (often rather prickly) 12-year old daughter first starting saying “Love you,” when she was leaving, or at the end of a phone call. I was puzzled, because that was a new one. Then I spoke to the mothers of a few of her friends, and it turns out their daughters were saying it as well, because they had seen a movie where the main character’s mother dies. Sometimes, accepting the reality of death is a good thing, I think!

    2. Susanne Avatar

      Yep. We have a daughter like that too and she’s very polite about it. It’s “Please don’t die.”

    3. Eliza Waters Avatar

      My son didn’t like my version – ‘Be careful driving’ for some reason. Now I say,
      ‘Stay safe, I love you’ and that seems acceptable!


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