WordSisters

  • Endings and Beginnings

    Elizabeth di Grazia's avatar

    Elizabeth di Grazia

    Juan and Crystel’s graduation is this week.

    There are graduation parties, athletic banquets, Senior party, after grad parties, and bonfires.

    I was kicked out of school the last week of 12th grade. I was banned from attending my senior party. I was unpredictable. Impressionable. Dangerous. I never attended a prom. It wasn’t because of COVID.

    Juan and Crystel are experiencing life differently than I did at their age. They have more of a life, more joy, more celebration, more love.

    It makes me cry.

    A different life from what I had is always what I wanted for my kids.

    “You have great kids,” a track coach said at their athletic banquet.  “I don’t know what they are like at home but here they are awesome. Polite. Happy.”

    I cried some more.

    Plaques lining both their walls say, “MVP Award, Rookie of the Year, Most Improved Award, Work Horse Award, Most Valuable Distance Runner, Most Valuable Teammate, Spotlight on Scholarship, Eagle Scout.

    Jody and I have great kids. We have done a lot of things right. And, when we haven’t, we have apologized and explained why we had the reaction we did.

    In middle school, Juan nudged me out of his room when we had a disagreement about his phone. I said words that I’m not proud of. Later that evening, I called a family meeting. I apologized to Juan and I told him that my reaction was because I lived with violence growing up in my house. I told him that our home would not ever be like that. We were never to touch one another in anger.

    Jody and I are frequently asked, “How does it feel to be empty nesters?” 

    I just shake my head.

    My mother made it clear that when you graduated high school you were not to come home, again.

    Wherever we are, Juan and Crystel will be.

    The porch light is always on.

    I always wanted to know what love looked like. I know.

    ,

    3 responses to “Endings and Beginnings”

    1. Eliza Waters Avatar
      Eliza Waters

      A great contribution to the world – well-launched and well-done!

    2. Bev Bachel Avatar
      Bev Bachel

      A powerful post. Brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing.

    3. Carol Avatar
      Carol

      Well said and beautifully written.

  • Broken Dreams

    cmkraack's avatar

    cmkraack

    Aniya Allen’s funeral was June 2, 2021.  Six years old, the newspapers said she wore a sparkling tiara in her small pink coffin. The second to die of three young children caught in gun violence in Minneapolis this May. One is still in hospital. On a local television news show, young Minneapolis school children talked about being afraid to play outside or go to the park or to see friends. They asked, begged, demanded that older kids and adults put down guns and give peace a chance and kids a chance to grow and dream. 

    Unfortunately these two families are not the only ones who have lost their very young children to the senseless and unexpected gun fighting of young men with disagreements that should have been resolved with discussions, even strong words, maybe fists. Not guns shot in an alley. Not a shootout on a street corner where parents drove home from grocery stores or taking a child to McDonalds. These babies cannot be replaced, these families’ broken dreams cannot be rebuilt.

    According to Brady every year 7,957 children and teens are shot in the United States. More than 1,600 will die from gun violence. Gun sales in the United States grew over 65% increase in 2019 and continue strong in 2020. Like icebergs, there is no true tally of general U.S. gun possession that accounts for arms purchased illegally or stolen. 

    A child’s funeral is about the saddest gathering on earth. Eulogies for a child describe their smiles, their bright eyes, their wonderful laugh, their love of sports or dancing or swimming, their helpfulness, of pride in being a big sister or brother. All the ways a young child’s life should be talked about when families gather for birthdays or holidays, but not in a solemn church or temple service while mourning the one resting in a small pink coffin.

    We have all lost Aniya Allen and Trinity Ottoson-Smith and the other 1,600 children and teens dead because of gun violence.  So many broken dreams.

    , , , , , ,

    One response to “Broken Dreams”

    1. Bev Bachel Avatar
      Bev Bachel

      Your post brought tears to my eyes. So, so sad.

  • Ready, Set…Disconnect

    bevbachel's avatar

    bevbachel

    This fast, fun and friendly book, Austin Kleon’s third on creativity, kept me going this past year.

    In it, he offers exactly what the subtitle promises…and exactly what I needed to hear:

    • Take one day at a time.
    • Establish a daily routine.
    • Finish each day and be done with it.

    Over this past year, I took this and his other advice to heart, especially one directive that really resonated with me: “Disconnect from the world to connect with yourself.”

    This phrase became my daily mantra, helping me see my COVID-induced isolation not as a punishment but as a gift.

    That said, disconnecting was a challenge, especially early on. Like many others, I missed attending meetings, joining colleagues for coffee and going for walks with friends. I even missed shopping, a task I’ve never much enjoyed.

    So, I was delighted when first one friend and then another invited me to Zoom with them. However, it took just two friend calls plus a handful of work-related video calls for Zoom Fatigue to set in. Even the thought of joining my beloved book club online wasn’t enough to get me to log back on.  

    I stayed in touch in other ways. I called my 94-year-old aunt every odd-numbered day of the week and a friend or other family member every even-numbered day. Plus I mailed at least one letter and a handful of cards each week and sent numerous emails.

    But as I embraced Kleon’s advice to disconnect, my reaching out to others fell by the wayside. So did my posting on social media. Nobody seemed to notice.

    Until this week.

    On Tuesday, my friend and fellow writer Diane reached out to ask if I was okay as she hadn’t received a reply to an email and realized that my last Facebook post was on April 2 and my last tweet on April 5. Today, I received a similar email from Maery, also a friend and fellow writer.

    My friend Laurie also checked in, wondering how I was doing with what she referred to as “reverse pandemic whiplash.”

    The answer? I’m not sure.

    After a year of isolating from everyone who wasn’t family, I finally got vaccinated and ventured out to get a long overdue haircut and join my book group in person for the first time in more than a year. It was wonderful to be together, outdoors and face to face on a beautiful Saturday morning.

    However, getting together made me realize I’m still not ready to return to the out-and-about life I led pre-COVID.

    Instead, I am still eager to connect with myself and, as Kleon states, that means disconnecting—not because I’m afraid of the virus, but because I want to thoughtfully add back in only those people and activities that fit the person I am now, a person I don’t yet know very well.

    Am I the same go-go-go person I was or have I become more of an internal seeker rather than external doer? Are all my friendships ones I want to carry with me or are there some I am ready to let go of? What about my hopes and dreams? How have they changed?

    These are some of questions I’m striving to answer while I get to know myself and before I once again find myself caught up in the busyness of life.

    What about you? Have you disconnected from others to connect with yourself? If so, what have you learned along the way?

    6 responses to “Ready, Set…Disconnect”

    1. Kristin Maija Peterson Avatar
      Kristin Maija Peterson

      Kleon’s books are wonderful. Thought-provoking questions, Bev. I’m fortunate in that I genuinely like my own company. I have a rich inner life and my artwork. The thought of being pulled back into “society” feels overwhelming, at least right now. I know I will be picking and choosing carefully, staying true to myself versus worrying about missing out.

      1. Bev Bachel Avatar
        Bev Bachel

        Thx for your reply. I applaud your rich inner life, something I am striving to create for myself. And I appreciate I’m not the only who is choosing carefully

    2. Karen Martha Avatar
      Karen Martha

      I couldn’t agree more. “The world is too much with us.” And we had a chance to retreat for a while. I find that although I’m an introvert, time with others also inspires, and I don’t need to be picky about the “others.” Everyone is a teacher.

      1. Bev Bachel Avatar
        Bev Bachel

        I like the idea of everyone being a teacher. Perhaps that will help me be more accepting, something I am beginning to struggle with.

    3. Eliza Waters Avatar
      Eliza Waters

      You echo my thoughts as well, Bev. This has been an opportunity to ‘clean house,’ both within and without.

    4. Ellen Shriner Avatar
      Ellen Shriner

      Excellent questions! It’s good to be intentional and not jump headlong into previous life.

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