Category: Raising children

  • On Being a Parent

    credit to www.maddiegdesigns.com
    credit to http://www.maddiegdesigns.com

    In the early morning hours I woke to a death squeal. I stood with my ear pressed to the bedroom door. I didn’t want to open the door and have whatever was making that noise escape into our room. I also didn’t want to see what lay on the other side.

    If this was Antonio or Crystel needing me I would have been upstairs in a moment.

    Either this was a cat injured or another animal.

    Jody hadn’t moved from the bed. She sat upright watching me. To her credit she is often upstairs first in the morning and has to deal with any carnage brought in during the night by our three young cats.

    I heard rustling, then quiet. I waited. I turned the knob, peeked out the door.

    “It’s a bunny,” I said, relieved. I brushed away the cats. Took a piece of paper and touched the animal. It didn’t move.

    I opened our garage, retrieved a snow shovel that hadn’t been put away for the summer, and scooped up the cottontail. In the darkness I flipped it over our fence into the athletic field next door and went back to bed.

    That same morning, I was reading the Sunday paper. I could hear the dog barking in the backyard. I took another sip of coffee and thumbed through the Variety section.

    Jody came downstairs from the upper level. She had been on a work conference call. Maybe the barking got to her.

    “The dog has a bunny,” she said looking out the patio door.

    I went outside. This baby bunny was still alive. It was smaller than the one last night. I picked it up and held it in my hands.

    Antonio came up behind me. “Here, I’ll take it.” He held out his cupped palms.

    I handed the bundle carefully to him. He used his swimming towel to make a nest for the bunny in a small cardboard box and took the bunny to his room.

    His being up complicated matters. In crept the concern about how he would regard my actions with this injured animal and how I wanted to raise him as a compassionate person. There would be no flipping this baby rabbit over the fence.

    I Googled how to raise bunnies. It didn’t look good.

    “Antonio, it says that you should put the bunny back where you found it. Maybe it will go back to its den.”

    He took the bunny and lay it under a bush. Ten minutes later the bunny still hadn’t moved. Antonio retrieved the bunny and felt its body for the injury.

    “Should we wake Crystel?” he asked.

    “No.” I was hoping I would have the situation resolved by the time she awoke. I went through a list of possibilities and ended with the idea that taking the bunny two miles to Woodlake Nature Center and leaving it by the bird feeder would be the most humane act and something that Antonio could live with. Maybe a hawk would swoop it up.

    “It’s the circle of life,” I told Antonio on the drive over.

    At Woodlake we sat on the bench watching the birds fly back and forth to the feeders. Antonio cradled the bunny in his arms. I pulled up dead grass and made a nest for the bunny near the feeder. Antonio lay him gently down.

    Once home, Crystel met us at the door.

    “You didn’t wake me,” she accused.

    Back at Woodlake, Crystel picked up the bunny and petted it. “Can we keep it?”

    “No, Crystel. This is the best thing.”

    She carried the bunny away from me singing, “It’s the circle of life little bunny.”

    Cradling the bunny in the crook of her arm, she pulled dead grass with the other to fluff up the nest.

    “His mother won’t find him,” she said.

    “You’re right. Not this time.”

    The bunny lay on her soft white polo sleeve.

    “Hey, that’s my jacket.”

    She laughed. “I know.”

    I gave her a cockeyed glance.

    She knew me well enough to know that I loved being her mother and that I wouldn’t mind the hours I spent on this tiny bunny because it had to do with her and Antonio. Even though it meant that the Sunday paper would end up in the recycling bin unread and I’d be doing an extra load of wash later that day.

    I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

  • “You can choose to shave. But you have to brush your teeth.”

    IMG_3147The day came, two weeks ago, when I had his and her electric and regular razors, cream hair remover, his and her shaving cream – foamy and creamy, post shave balm, and aftershave on the bathroom counter.

    His on one side. Hers on the other.

    I let the essentials rest there for a few days, wanting to normalize the fact that, yes, 12-year-olds do grow hair and yes, some 12-year-olds would like it to disappear.

    I had brought up shaving to Antonio a couple of years ago. I am very cognizant that Antonio is the only male in our house so he often is inundated with information before its time. With Crystel, I wait for a cue.

    Our neighbor, Lynda, works at Bella Salon and Spa. It was natural to call and make an appointment for a lip and brow wax for Crystel, brow wax for me, and a lip wax for Jody.

    I mean, if it’s a cue, it’s a cue, right?

    With Antonio away on a school trip, we made it a girls’ night out.

    Antonio had already let me know about how he felt about his mustache. His Uncle Marty was over for a visit, and even though I reminded Antonio a number of times, of what a great opportunity this was (Crystel was away on a school trip), what great timing, how serendipitous, he just couldn’t get a scissors and open the packaging that held his electric shaver and all those cool attachments.

    He just dropped his voice as low as he could. “Nope.”

    We three girls tried our electric shaver first. Crystel found out very quickly that she didn’t enjoy having her hair pulled and cut by a million tweezers. Soon we were on to the razors, each of us with a leg in the bathtub.

    Hmmm. Now, there. There is possibility.

    Her choice.

    But the brushing of teeth? Nope. That’s not a choice. (Said in a Mom’s voice).

  • Middle School Dances Are Not Just For Kids

    IMG_5199They are for adults, too.

    It’s my reward for living with two squalling 10 month olds who I swore would always be 10 months old. I could not see the day that I would be standing with the two of them at their first middle school dance.

    Middle school dances are also for the adults who volunteered in kindergarten and all through elementary. These same kids that we chaperoned on the apple orchard field trip and to Wood Lake Nature Center are now looking at each other with different eyes. And, if we are lucky enough, we’ll be able to discern who is looking at who.

    Antonio showing his id and getting his bracelet.
    Antonio showing his ID and getting his bracelet.

    Middle school dances are also for adults who volunteered in the community as Cub Scout and Brownie leaders, supervised playdates to Edinborough Park, Children’s museum, and the Children’s theatre. All these places that our children are too old to go to now (almost).

    It’s our due to see their faces clean, to watch them carefully choose their clothes even if it’s their favorite black hoodie.

    Middle School dances are also for adults who never went to a dance in middle school or high school. You can pretend that you’re supervising the dance floor when really, all you are doing, is checking it out.

    Don't let her face kid you. Crystel is excited that I'm at her first middle school dance.
    Yah, she’s kidding. Crystel loves me at her dance.

    If you are a Police Reserve Officer you can roam the halls with the middle-schoolers, duck into the karaoke room, the Wii dance room, the gymnasium with the four different inflatables, or stop and watch the donut eating contest.

    Then go back to the dance floor.

    Middle school dances aren’t for standing in one place.

    They’re for watching, observing, and hanging out.

    And, if you’re fortunate like I was, those same Cub Scouts and those same kids you chaperoned will smile and say, “Hi.” And, though you are much older, you’ll remember their name. And, let them use your cell phone to call their grandma to pick them up.

    Antonio with friends
    Antonio with friends

    And, you’ll be asking your own kids about the kids who didn’t come.

    Cause it was so much fun.